You Deserve A Love That Is Unafraid To Love You First


Why are we so enchanted with falling in love? With romance? Why do we treat it like it’s the best damn thing we can ever have? Why do we rush and romanticize it? Why do we work as hard as we can in order to achieve it as soon as possible?

Why are we so scared with the idea of slowing things down? Why are we terrified of having zero romance in our lives?

It’s ideas like these that make us fall for everyone who shows even the slightest shade of affection; it’s these thoughts that trigger us to jump at every opportunity we get. It’s these ‘maybes’ that push us to love every single person that portrays the littlest damn about us and it’s these concepts that allow us to plunge, not at the natural rate, but at the fastest speed possible. A friend once told me “let them love you first, you’ll catch up.” That hit hard and it got me thinking…

How about the idea of letting them fall in love with you first? Because once they do, you can fall in love back, swiftly and smoothly.

Trust me when I say, let them love you first.

Evidently, you’re the kind that never takes the slow road, you try your best to fast-track everything when it comes to love – which is exactly the reason why you had millions of heartaches from all the wrong people. It’s all because you fall and you fall quick. No discretion. No safety measures.

Most of us absolutely love the idea of falling in love, of having someone, of feeling special, loved and valued. But the thing is, sometimes, these things are one-sided. We fall in love with people who doesn’t feel the same way about us, then we incite our expectations with false hope that maybe someday they will be able to reciprocate whatever we have to offer. But the thing is, people are sure. If they like you, they will show you. If they don’t, then that only means they don’t. Quit making excuses onto why they are acting a certain way.

Your heart is fragile; you’ll know that right in the exact moment when it’s beating rapidly as you fall in love. However, the truth is not everyone you love will love you.

So maybe it would be better if we stop spending so much of our time falling in love with everyone we meet. How about just building connections, learning about them as they learn about us, being satisfied with laughters and late night talks and not trying to romanticize every moment with them? How about understanding their personality, supporting their dreams, respecting their values and sinking deeper into who they certainly are? How about just being there for them as friends, without expecting to be lovers along the way? Just taking things easy and slow.

And maybe, just maybe, this will do everyone good. Maybe it’s magnificent to take everything slow with the people we meet and not just go head over heels on the very first date. Maybe it’s fascinating to stop falling in love with the first hello and plainly say hello back, to simply go on a date clear of expectations that this could be a flourishing romance, to intentionally talk to actually get to know them and not to get into their pants, to just savor the moments without malice, without hopes and just let things flow naturally, at their own time, at their own pace.

Especially if you know you’re having trouble accepting heartaches out of fast-tracked almosts, why not just chill. Breathe. You have so much time on your hands, enjoy the ride and make it worthwhile.

Don’t get so busy falling in love with everyone you meet then mourn because they didn’t have the courage and strength to love you back.

Instead, allow them to know you, to dig deeper into your soul, to understand who you really are, what you like, what you dislike, what makes you breath faster than the usual, what makes your heart nervous. Let them comprehend why you value your family so much, why N-Sync songs make you nostalgic, why you like Matcha over Espresso, why you’d rather walk than spend money on a cab. Open the door to your soul in order for them to get why the smell of rain makes you giddy, why hugs are such a comfort and why you fancy long talks when you’re upset after a bad day at work. Give them the chance to sink into the reasons behind your every no, the success tales behind every yes and the stories behind every smile, every tear, every scar, every bruise, every trauma, every depression, every fear, every anxiety, every ache. Let them know every single inch of your soul.

At the same time, understand them as well. Trace every emotion. Discover every secret they try so hard to keep. Explore why they’re scared of opening up to people and why they cannot trust anyone in. Unearth the whys behind their favorite season, autumn; behind their favorite movie line, “Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’” from Shawshank Redemption; behind their favorite restaurant. Uncover the excuses why thunders scare them, why falling in love is threatening, why they are the way they are.

If they willingly decided to love you wholly, then go ahead: love them. You’re an amazing soul. The right one will see that, needless to say. You don’t need to sell yourself short to everyone you meet.

They will love you and they will be extremely sure of it. And you? Honey, you’ll race them to the finish line. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Dian is the author of Catastrophes, a prose and poetry collection exploring living and loving, breaking and mending, falling and rising, losing and surviving. Get in touch with her on Instagram and Twitter.

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