Thought Catalog

This Is The Right Way To Be Lonely

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Kalen Emsley
Kalen Emsley

There is nothing more human than feeling completely and utterly alone at some point in your life. The process of healing and pulling yourself up from your boot-straps is not a pleasant one. You’ll have to fall in love with yourself, possibly for the first time in your life. You’ll have to be your own best friend, even though it’s easier to be your worst critic. You deserve to be on your own side for once though.

The thing about loneliness is that it has a connotation of being negative; too often people confuse loneliness with neediness (for someone else), as if the two words were synonymous for one another. But maybe those people have been looking at things all wrong though.

You could be guilty of this too.

Maybe loneliness is nothing more than a mere reminder to need yourself, and to put you first for once.

Maybe it’s about realizing how empowering this process can be, by being forced to test how strong you really are as an individual when you’re forced to prove that you’re capable of handling everything by yourself, for yourself. Maybe we just need to collectively get together and spin the framing of this word, because the reality is that being alone and learning to be self-reliant is one of the best presents you could possibly give to yourself.

Living a life by yourself, for yourself is pretty badass, isn’t it?

Though empowering, it’ll still be difficult at times. Some days will be fucking hard. And the worst part? It isn’t just something you’ll be forced to face when you’re physically alone left with only your thoughts. It’ll sometimes hit you the most when you’re surrounded by people, like in a crowded room or on a train during rush hour. You still might find yourself feeling numb to everything around you because of what’s going on inside you. That’s okay though– at least for a moment in time. What’s not okay is letting your emotions swallow you entirely for the long-term.

For once in your life, live for yourself.

Do the things you want to do. Explore the places you’ve always dreamed about going to. Take that new job, or join that fun social sports team. There’s no shame in solo travel, or in starting a life over new somewhere. Damn, have the strength to start over several times if you need to. You’ll only thank yourself later in life by taking this time to learn to be happy on your own now.

When things get rough and it feels like you keep falling after you hit what you thought was rock bottom, try to embrace everything that you’re feeling. I mean, really allow yourself to be vulnerable. Your feelings might kick your ass sometimes. Some days you will feel absolutely insane; smiling one minute while reminiscing about something from the past, then suddenly crying the next. Live these emotions. Acknowledge how absolutely incredible it is to feel, because some people never experience this at all. Like a wave that towers and falls over itself, disseminating towards the shorelines, your feelings will also wash over you and fade away, I promise. Nothing is permanent, remember that. Embracing all of these feelings is the most human thing you could possibly do, and that in and of itself is beautiful. TC mark

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  • http://dragthepen.wordpress.com Dragthepen

    Yes, there is period of time when being alone is good for regrouping ones life. However, loneliness is a depressing state that no one should stay in for a long period of time. Two is better than one.

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