16 Men Describe How They Got Over Their Ex Once And For All

1. “People say that getting over someone is all about time. I believe it’s all about drinking as much as you can get away with for the first week so that you’ll get most of your tears out, doing a weekend detox, and then jumping straight into a serious workout routine designed specifically to wear you out so much that you go straight to sleep at night. This is my prescription for heartbreak and it’s served me well for nearly a decade.”

—Ryan, 25

2. “If the breakup was final and you’re never going to reconcile or don’t want to then it’s over even if your brain and heart don’t understand that yet. So, you need to kill the part inside you that still believes that love is alive. I’ve found that a lot of self talk will help you get through it. Specifically, I self talk in a conversational way like ‘be cool, man, it’s over, just keep moving forward.’ It sounds simple and maybe a little stupid but it works. I would do this when I got up, when I was brushing my teeth, going to work, whatever. At every transition I’d say this to myself. I know when to stop doing it when the self talk gets annoying and feels redundant. That’s when you know you’re starting to get it out of your system.”

—Bryan, 27

3. “I haven’t yet and I’ve been single over a year. I don’t really know what to do to make it better.”

—Jack, 22

4. “I use the scorched earth policy. Purge everything that reminds you of her. Delete all pictures, unfriend all people that are her friends and not yours. Delete all phone numbers or, if you’re really serious, block her number and then delete the contact. Don’t go to places you went with her and destroy all music you listened to together if you have ‘a song’. At the end your place must be completely devoid of any reminder that she ever existed or she’ll haunt you for months.”

—Marlon, 24

5. “The only way to get over an ex is to get out and have new experiences and so, in the past when I’ve been single, I would make a schedule of things that I was going to do. I’d join Meetup groups even if I was only barely interested in them. I’d make sure to reacquaint myself with any friendships I may have neglected when I was in a relationship. The important thing is to get out there and start filling your time so you’ll find opportunities to smile and laugh and not think.”

—Chad, 22

6. “I always throw myself into work because there’s always plenty of it to be done and it makes me money. I’ll just decide to work x hours of overtime over the next month then see if I can beat that the next month if the breakup sadness lasts that long.”

—Nathan, 27

7. “I try to get laid again as soon as possible and as often as possible. This is real talk here and I don’t know if it’s healthy but it’s what I do.”

—James, 24

8. “This may sound a little twisted but I have a habit of journalling and I do keep track of bad things in there. In the past this has really helped when I’ve been in a breakup and was still in love with the girl. I’m able to look back through my journal and remember all the mean shit she said or the shitty things she did and get mad about it instead of sad. Being mad sucks too but it’s better than being sad all the time and it’s a hell of a lot more realistic than pining after some made up perfect person too.”

—Tommy, 24

9. “Usually things don’t work out for a specific reason. The best way to convince yourself it’s over is to understand why it’s over so it’s best if you can say to yourself the reason that you broke up even if it’s because of something you did. This way you can learn from the experience instead of just enduring it. I’m embarrassed to say this but in my first real relationship I was extremely jealous and a total jerk about it. After she broke up with me which was the right thing to do then I had to sit with that and understand it. It helped me not be that way in my next relationship which, while it ended too, was much better.”

—Matthew, 23

10. “Go full blown ‘High Fidelity’ and call every ex you’ve ever had to remind yourself why they sucked and you’re awesome. I’m joking, drink and try to have sex with everyone like every other red-blooded American.”

—Rick, 25

11. “There are breakups that are bad and that take a few months to get clear of and then there are the abominable breakups that linger like a stain in the middle of your carpet for years. You scrub the hell out of it, you cover it up, you make excuses for it to your guests but no matter what you do it’s still there and you can’t get rid of it. Those breakups take forever to get over because they stain you. They stain who you are because the person changed you in ways you can’t quite chase down. This the worst type of breakup because it carries all the hallmarks of what real love is with one exception, she’s not there.

I’ve only had one of these and almost everyone I know has had at least one. You get through it however you can. Believe me, I tried every coping mechanism I could think of and it was a solid year and a half before I actually felt it leaving me. I think you just have to wear it out.”

—William, 29

12. “I’m not sure exactly what to do to get over a relationship besides just giving it time but I can say that if you want that length of time to be shorter then don’t be friends with them. There’s a ton of societal pressure to be a ‘mature adult’ and to be friendly, etc, after a breakup. I say no to that. If it’s a bad breakup then cut her out of your life especially if she’s the one that did the breaking up. The friends thing is just your sad little consolation prize in that case and it will keep you trying to have one foot back into the relationship for as long as you’re ‘friends’. Have some self respect. If she wants to break up then get out of there. If you want to break up then don’t string her along with ‘friends’.”

—David, 27

13. “If it’s really bad then do therapy, I’m serious. There’s no shame in therapy. My younger brother hit a huuuuge depression hole after his girlfriend of three years broke up with him and couldn’t get out of it. Therapy really helped him to get back the perspective he needed and nobody had to know that the breakup made him see a shrink which was his main worry. Don’t let pride get between you and getting back in a good place.”

—Gabriel, 31

14. “I don’t know but I will say that if she cheats then tell everyone you know that she cheated. People shouldn’t be able to get away with stuff like that and then walk away free and clear. Spiteful? Nah, fuck her.”

—Mike, 25

15. “I learned Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It had the double effect of releasing a lot of my anger while also making me a walking death machine who’s in great shape. Frankly her breaking up with me is the best thing that could have happened. I feel better than ever.”

—Steven, 24

16. “Remember how crappy they were to you, how much your parents hated them, and how they were such a drag that when they walked in the room it felt like all the oxygen had been pumped out of it. Then ask yourself why you were in love with such a crappy person in the first place. Consider that you deserve better and then go out and live your life in a way that you deserve.”

—Adam, 26