The Hardest Part About Not Chasing You

It’s common knowledge that you should not chase a guy because the right guy wouldn’t run. But no one ever talks about how hard it is not to chase him. Not because I’m desperate and I need a guy:

But because not chasing him means facing the truth.

I’m too scared not to send the first message, instead of waiting to see that you won’t message me first. I’m scared of not putting in the most amount of effort, instead of letting you carry some of the weight. I’m scared to find out that you don’t want me.

Yes, I know that if you run or walk away then you weren’t the right one and that the right guy will come a long one day… but that doesn’t mean that this won’t hurt like hell. The right guy will come along one day and make all my previous pain go away but I still have to get through my present pain.

I know I can’t chase you anymore and that I have to find out the truth for myself but that doesn’t mean I am not terrified to discover how you feel about me.

Chasing you may be tiring and hurtful: but finding out the truth is terrifying and draining.

Part of me wants to hold onto you for just a little longer: live out this brief fantasy in my head and imagine a world where you don’t make me scared to find out the truth… but the other part of me knows that entertaining this fantasy for more time than I already have will just contribute to the heartache.

But maybe I’m being pessimistic: maybe you will message me first, maybe you will ask me out for coffee and maybe you will reveal you have feelings for me. Maybe.

The simple truth is that: I have to stop chasing you. Even if that means you won’t stop and walk towards me with open arms; even if that means you’ll walk away without so much as a wave goodbye.