I wish with all my heart that I could fix your broken parts and help you heal your scarred heart. I wish I could help you to see the rays of light shining through the overbearing thunder clouds. I wish I could carry some of the heavy load that you are bearing on your shoulders and on your worn out soul. I wish I could place the twinkle back into your sad, tired eyes. I wish I could relieve you of that sinking feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when the alarm clock goes off in the morning. I wish I could reassure you that everything is going to be okay in the moments when you sit in your car in the darkness of the night, crying your eyes out to sad songs. I wish I could tell you when you will begin to feel the sunshine on your back again, and when your heart will begin to feel warmer. I wish I could tell you when this depression will subside and when you will come out on the other side. I wish I could tell you when you will feel whole again, when you won’t feel quite so fragmented and disheveled. I wish I could help you to feel grounded again. I wish I could do something, anything, to help you to feel safe and comfortable in this world, a world that feels dark and unwelcoming to you right now. I wish I could tell you how lovely you are, and how worthy you are of healing. And I wish I could help you to return home again, but this time, home to yourself. And above all, I wish I could make life be good to you again.
If I could heal you, I would do so in a heartbeat. I would wrap you up in love and kindness, like a blanket protecting you from the cold air. I would walk with you to the top of the mountain so you could finally, after all of this time, see the magical view. The view you have almost lost sight of. The view that you never expected to see. If I could, I would gently put all of your pieces back together and seal the cracks with pure gold. If I could, I would let your burdens be my burdens. I would carry them for you and save you from some of the weight of the world.
But no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I cannot save you. I cannot magically heal you. As much as I wish I could, I cannot carry the load for you. Because the truth is, only you can save yourself. Only you can fight this battle.
And I know it’s scary to hear this. I know you don’t feel like you can do this. I know you feel isolated and alone and like nothing will ever get better. But please don’t be afraid. You are not alone in this. You are never alone. I cannot heal you, but I can stand by your side as you heal yourself. I can be your biggest supporter. I can believe in you with all of my heart. And I do. I believe in you with every fiber of my being. And I am going to shower you with hope and care. And I am going to keep believing in you; I’m going to keep having hope for you until you are you again.
I’m going to keep believing in you as you make your way through the pain of picking up your jagged pieces and trying to fit them back together again. I’m going to keep believing in you when you carefully apply your makeup in the morning and face the world with a broken heart hidden beneath your courageous smile. I’m going to keep believing in you when you when you drink your black coffee in the morning and dread facing the day. I’m going to keep believing in you when you break down and cry at something unremarkable, like a stubbed toe. I’m going to keep believing in you when you feel as though you are moving backwards , rather than forwards. I am going to keep believing in you when you lie in bed all day, listening to the rain and sobbing tears of brokenness and grief. I’m going to keep believing in you when you cancel plans on your best friend because you don’t feel good enough to fake being okay. I’m going to keep believing in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.
And as I stand by you, I’m going to remind you of how far you have come. I’m going to remind you of all of the leaps and bounds you have already made. Just getting out of bed in the morning, just facing the day. Just showing up to work. Or taking a mental health day and spending the entire day watching Netflix reruns. I’m going to be here for you, supporting you even on the days when you feel exhausted and alone. Because even on these days, I can see the strength in your eyes as you face the world, despite the pain you are in.
And as I stand by your side, I’m going to remind you that you already have everything you need inside of you to heal. You already have the strength within you to work your way through all of this pain. I know you may not see it, but you are carrying your load with such grace. You are carrying your pain with such beauty and such resilience. And this grace, this beauty, these are signs of unbreakable strength. You continue to persevere, even when you feel broken and hurt. You continue to climb the mountain, even when you can’t see the peak. You continue to put one foot in front of the other, even when the world is trying to convince you to stay still, to stay broken. You continue to survive even when you don’t feel like yourself. You continue to wake up each day even when you feel miserable and hurt by the world. And your ability to persevere despite such great hardships is a sign that you are going to overcome this intensely hard chapter. Your bravery and tenacity are signs that you are going to get better all on your own.
And one day soon, something will change inside of you. A light will switch on—a faint little light that is barely visible. And this gentle light is hope. This light is a new beginning. You see, this light is a sign that you are starting to believe in something again. This is you beginning to feel better.
And over time, the light will become brighter. You will still have nights of tossing and turning. You may still have nervous breakdowns in your car. You may still feel fearful of life. But you will begin to feel a little less broken and a little more whole again. The weight you have been carrying for all this time will lessen. You won’t cry quite as much. You won’t break down quite as much. And you won’t feel quite as hopeless.
You see, in time, as I continue to believe in you, you will begin to believe in yourself. You will begin to have hope that healing is possible. You will begin to have hope that maybe one day facing the world won’t be so daunting. You will begin to have hope that you might actually make it to the top of the mountain. And this is all you need. Just a small ray of light. A small seed of hope. Because this light is a new beginning. This is the new beginning of your life. A life that is still waiting for you. A life that still has the possibility of being good.
So for now, I want you to know that I believe in you. I have hope for you. And I am going to be right here at your side, cheering you on until you begin to feel okay again.