You Can’t Make Someone Love You, And You Shouldn’t Have To

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God & Man

You can’t make someone love you. You can wait and wait, hoping they will fall for you. You can spend all of your time trying to impress them by sending cute texts and flirty Snapchats. But in the end, you have no say over what they send back. You can search for clues by piecing together all of the half-smiles they’ve flashed at you, and the late night texts they’ve sent you, but you can’t magically make them have meaning. You can romanticize the conversations you’ve had. You can defend the times they’ve stood you up. You can defend the fact that you always have to make the plans or start the conversations. You can talk everything over with your best friend, emphasizing and clinging to all of the little clues that might, just possibly, add up to them loving you. You can hope, you can pray, you can keep wishing that they will fall for you. You can tell them that you love them. You can offer them all that you have. You can show them how you will love them.

You can love them and love them and love them, but still, you can’t make them love you back.

That’s the hardest part about love…you can choose who to love, but you can’t choose who will love you. You can choose who to devote your heart to, but you can’t make someone devote their heart to you. And you can choose to keep waiting, and keep hoping that someday they will fall for you, that someday maybe they will be your knight in shining armor afterall. You can keep your fingers crossed and your heart on edge hoping that someday, maybe they will realize that they do love you after all.

But then you will spend all of your time waiting…waiting for someone that isn’t sure about you yet. Waiting for someone who may have feelings for you, or who may not. Do you really want to keep waiting for them to fall in love with you? Do you want to spend your time hoping that you are loveable “enough”, or trying to convince them to love you?

You are better than this. You are too good for them. You don’t deserve a halfway kind of love. You don’t deserve uncertainty and you certainly should be more than just someone’s back up safety plan.

When someone loves you, the right someone, they will know they love you. It won’t be a half assed love, or an unstable love. It won’t be a love that comes and goes, depending on the day. They won’t make you prove anything to them. They won’t make you wait around. They won’t play tricks with your mind, or lead you on and then back away again. When the right someone loves you, you won’t have to change who you are. You won’t have to wait by the phone, not knowing if they are playing games with you or if they are just not interested. You won’t have to wonder if there is something wrong with you, or if some of your qualities make you unworthy or unloveable. You won’t have to wonder if they are talking to someone else.

When they do love you back, you’ll know. You won’t have to put together the signs like a puzzle piece. So don’t wait around for someone, hoping that one day they will fall in love with you. If they aren’t interested in you now, they aren’t worth your time.

You don’t need someone who feels uncertain about you or someone who can’t decide about you. Look for someone who is ready to love you. Look for someone who wants you, all of you, and who is certain about loving you. You deserve someone who knows what they have when they have you. And you absolutely deserve better than someone who doesn’t know how they feel about you, or who doesn’t realize how much you have to offer.

The truth is, you won’t need to convince the right person to love you. You won’t have to keep trying to make them love you. The right person will love you easily. They will love you freely, and without reservation. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Colleen George

“there can be magic in the messes” @apeaceofwerk

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