I’m Not A Simple Girl, And I’m Okay With It

Ilya Yakover

I’m not an easy girl. I’m not simple or precise. I make life more difficult than it needs to be.

I’m not straight forward or easy to read.
I don’t fit neatly into the lines no matter how hard I try. My colors blend all over the page.

I’m not simple; I’m messy.

I make things much more complicated than they need to be. My mind likes to stir up great concoctions from just a few ingredients. I turn the simplest things into multifaceted crystals.

I’m not easy going or relaxed.
I’m overflowing. I’m overflowing with thoughts and ideas that lead me all over the map. I don’t move smoothly from Point A to Point B. I jump. I run. I soar. And sometimes, I have to go backwards.

I’m complicated. I easily turn molehills into mountains in my head. I jump onto new thoughts like a train, moving full steam ahead.

I’m sensitive.
I live in the extremes. I live in the highs and the lows, the blues and the golds. I live in the warm hues of fire embers and the cool shades of snow. My heart is spontaneous, my mind is elaborate.

I am often uncertain. I rarely know exactly what I want. And what I want rarely knows where to meet me.

I’m not casual.
I like to know things. I want to know things. I want to know specifics. I want to know times and dates and hours and minutes. I want to know what to expect.

I’m free spirited.
I want room to wander and to be free. I want room to find joys in the smallest places and the tiniest moments. I don’t want to be restrained by time or by expectations. I want to live in my own bold sparkling spectrum.

I am a square peg in a world full of round holes.
I don’t have one special space that I can fill. I move around. I bend. Sometimes I break. And when I break, I reform.

I know that I am messy. I know that I am complicated.

I’m not simple. I’m not easy going. I’m not casual.

I know that my messiness makes life harder than it needs to be.

I know that I have a tendency to force my mind to work when it really needs to rest. I know that I never give my heart a break. I know that all of my thoughts and emotions end up exhausting my soul.

And sometimes I’ve considered that life would be easier if I were simple.

But I’ve learned a secret: I like being messy.

I’ve learned that beautiful gifts come from being messy.

I like that I listen to my heart
rather than follow the crowds. I know that if I trust myself, I will find the path I need to be on.

I like that I rush through obstacles
like a strong current of water; a fearless wave of energy moving forward with resilience

I like that sometimes I make mistakes because they redirect me to more beautiful places. I’ve learned that failure is simply the universe’s way of telling me to try something new.

I like that I don’t put up walls
or try to push people away. I don’t judge other people based on whether they fit in a perfect frame.

I like that I see people for their souls and for their hearts.

I like that I am not afraid of getting hurt
because I know I will recover. I am free to love with my big, open heart that always heals.

I like that I am a day dreaming wanderer.
I stumble accidentally into fresh ideas and magical adventures because my mind is so open to thoughts and discoveries.

I like that I find secrets and gems where other people have failed in searching only for diamonds.

I like that I am a mixture of bold colors and soft hues
, and that I’m a square peg in a world full of round holes.

I like that I’m not a simple girl. I’m messy and chaotic. I’m complicated and spontaneous.

And you know what?

I like it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Colleen George

“there can be magic in the messes” @apeaceofwerk

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