Thought Catalog

To My Younger Self, I’m Sorry For Making You Think You Weren’t Enough

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Benjamin Combs

I am sorry for not always standing up for you.

I am sorry for letting you believe that the size and shape of your body reflected the value and beauty of your mind. I am sorry that I didn’t stop you from trying to heal your thoughts by bullying your body. I’m sorry that I allowed you to diminish yourself in space when you were already so lovely just as you were. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that there was never anything wrong with either your mind or your body; I apologize for letting you believe that you were flawed.

I’m sorry I let you think that at times you weren’t enough. I’m sorry I let you believe that you needed to change. I am sorry that I didn’t tell you that you didn’t need to be like anyone else. I’m sorry that I allowed you to be afraid of yourself; to be afraid of living life authentically. I’m so sorry that I let you fear yourself.

I’m sorry that I allowed you to believe that your worth was determined by the number of people who liked you and by the grades you received on your report card. I’m sorry you thought that worth was something to be earned. I’m sorry for allowing you to intentionally soften your footprints out of fear of what others would think.

I am sorry that I didn’t stop you from hiding in the shadows. I’m sorry I didn’t encourage you to instead let your voice be heard. I’m sorry I prevented you from living loudly and freely. I’m sorry I never told you that you were enough, or that you were whole and complete. I’m sorry that I did not remind you that your presence brought infinite beauty and grace into this world. I’m sorry I didn’t allow you to love your elegance and light.
I’m sorry.

Although it might not seem like much, I can promise you that I am here now. I promise that I will do my very best to make up for all of the times I didn’t take care of you in the ways that I should have.

But I do hope you understand that I was trying; that I never stopped trying. I always had faith in you, and I always hoped that you would see your shining light one day. I hope you know that I didn’t always trust myself, and I allowed this uncertainty to taint the way you saw yourself.

I hope you know that I never intentionally put you down or tried to hurt you. I hope you know that despite how I may have treated you, you have still lived a beautiful life this far. You have still been compassionate and courageous, and free in your own incredible ways. I hope you know that no matter what mistakes I made, I will always look back on your life with nothing but fondness and pride.

But from today and on, I promise that I will support you. I promise that we will finally be on the same team.

I promise that I will tell you that you are valuable, and that for the most part, I will truly believe it. Even more importantly, I promise that I will treat you like you are valuable. I will treat you like you are worth everything that is wonderful and special in this world.

From today on I will raise you up higher than I ever have before, and when you fall down, I will not let you stay down. I will lift you back up, again and again and again.

From today and on, I will support you and value you. From today and on I will love you.

From today and on, I will be your friend. TC mark

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