We all hold onto that one person. The one that (we think) was perfect. He is the one that we still think about today – the one that crosses our minds in moments when we least expect it. We wonder if he still thinks about us. When we think about him, those feelings of “what if” and “why” resurface. Of course we still wonder if he still thinks about us – if he still remembers how good we had it. And even if we try to hide it, he is the one that we still picture in our fantasized future, flawless and unscathed.
He is the one that got away.
Now that he’s gone, we wonder how we could have let him go. Why did we let him go…what were we thinking? The “could’ves” and “should’ves” eat away at us and our thoughts begin to move in circles. Could we have fought harder? Should we have stayed together? Why didn’t we realize what we had when we still had it? As we go down this road, we start to wonder – should we reach out again? Maybe he was worth fighting for.
We romanticize him because we cared for him in a way that we hadn’t cared for someone before. We romanticize him because we are only remembering the good parts – the butterflies, the button down shirts, and the late night walks and phone calls. We remember what we fell for and how our hearts felt. We remember feeling that he was our forever boy.
But we don’t like to remind ourselves of the reasons why things didn’t work out.
We try not to remember all of the things that could’ve been better, and all of the ways that we weren’t meant for each other. We brush these realizations aside because these are more painful. These don’t bring us back to that same warm and safe place. Instead we just focus on the good times. We forget about the way our connection slowly died. We forget about the way he closed himself off, little by little, then all at once. We forget about the ways we became distant, and the ways our lives began to split into our own separate paths.
Whether we think about the good times, or we think about the broken times, nothing changes in the story.
Whether you let him go, or he let you go, he still got away. No matter how it ended, something changed or something was missing. Something happened. Maybe you truly felt like he was perfect for you. Maybe you still loved him long after it ended. But you have to remember the truth and the facts. There was something that got in the way – something that was stronger than the relationship. Something just wasn’t meant to be.
You see, he’s the one that got away for a reason. He was never here to stay.
No matter what, he was never going to be “the one.” If he was really meant to be in your life, he would be. As simple as that. He wouldn’t be the one that got away – he would be the one that stayed. He wouldn’t be the one in the past, he would be the one in the now. Whether he left you or you left him, whether the timing just was never right, or whether one of you fell for someone else, he still left. Or you still left. Whether he fought for you or whether he walked away, he still stopped fighting. Or maybe you stopped fighting. But either way, he still got away.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t still think about him, or that you can’t love the parts of him that changed you. This doesn’t mean that you need to forget about him – he became a part of who you are today. This doesn’t mean that he didn’t love or that you shouldn’t have been together. You don’t need to be torn up by regret.
But it does mean that you can release your sadness and relieve your regrets. In the moment, the situation was perfect for you. But now you are in a new moment. Now you are in a new stage. And he is no longer for you. He wasn’t the one for you.
You see the one for you is still out there.
Maybe you’re with him now, or maybe you’re not. The one that is worth it is the one that stays; the one that you hold on to. The one that is worth it is the one that is worth fighting for and the one that thinks you are worth fighting for.
Let yourself remember the one that got away, let yourself think about him. But understand that you don’t need to delve back into the past – you don’t need to try to do it all over again. He got away for a reason. You don’t need to pine for him or wait for him to come around again. He got away because he isn’t your forever boy.
Wait for the one that is.
Wait for the one that stays.