We’ve all experienced those classic nights that go down in our personal history as remarkably memorable. Sometimes it’s because things went incredibly awesome, other times it’s because things went so abnormally wrong. Then, there are the times where it’s a combination of both (and we all know those are secretly the best kind). In partnership with VH1’s ‘Walk Of Shame Shuttle’—a new show that follows real people as they rehash their previous night’s debacles—we bring you the 6 stages of a perfect…ly botched night.
Stage 1: Hyping Yourself Up
When it comes to getting ready, sometimes you’re sluggish, hesitant to get off the couch and wash up, unsure what to wear, thoroughly not thrilled with the way you look. Not tonight thought – on this evening you’re with your #1 bestie, and you’re blasting music that makes you feel swaggy as hell. You’re at peak confidence, perhaps even on the border of cocky.
Stage 2: The Inevitable Possibility Of Plans Falling Through
You had an idea of what you wanted to do tonight, but here’s where you first see that several specific variables need to fall into place for things to go smoothly. A friend said he could get you guys into Club Overpriced Alcohol where DJ Plays-Too-Much-Pop-Radio-Music is performing, but that seems uncertain. A coworker promised to bring a bunch of cool, single friends to hang out, but he’s running late. Something is slightly off.
Stage 3: Hitting Some Road Bumps (or…The Phase Where You Start Welcoming Strangers Like You’re Ellis Island)
You get to wherever you’re going, and immediately something is awry. The friend who promised to get you in the club isn’t answering his phone and the line is three blocks long. The friend’s co-worker with all the single friends went to a different bar than you did. Then you meet a group of strangers and quickly bond, and/or see something like a random flyer advertising a sketchy, yet alluring “HUGE PARTY” a couple blocks away, and decide to reroute the night.
Stage 4: The Lose-All-Sense-Of-Decency-And-Decorum-Phase
Things truly take a drastic turn, for better or for worse here, when the random people you joined at some other bar are fun, magnificent people (better), or the “HUGE PARTY” is a great time — until you run into your least favorite ex (worse). All sorts of people have found their way into your life on this night, but had things gone according to the original plan, you never would’ve crossed paths…
Stage 5: The “What Just Happened?” Phase
Here’s the point where something that you never imagined possible happens. You’re well into wasted when you realize one of these random people is definitely a candidate for your future husband/wife. Your least favorite ex and you are clicking, and you’re wondering if you want to rekindle that flame. This will be an unforgettable night in which the universe unexpectedly put you in a situation where the choices you made, whether right or wrong, will conjure profound results.
Stage 10: The Morning After (But After What?)
And then, just liked that, cruel, harsh sun is streaming into your eyes. All you want is to sleep another 18 hours but a jarring sound…is that a snore?…startles you awake. And then it hits you—stages 6-9. They’re a blur in your mind, but something tells you they live on in your phone. Slowly, you open your photos. All 200+ of them contain you…with a certain person. And that person is almost certainly right next to you, sleeping, snoring, blissfully unaware of the situation you’re now both in. But not for long…