1. You really struggle to hold conversations in professional environments that require a certain level of appropriateness. You have cynical jokes and snarky remarks that it’s killing you inside to hold off on saying, but you must wait until you have a better feel for whom you can get away with saying what to.
2. Dating a sensitive, lovey-dovey romantic type is a struggle because they want to live out The Notebook and you just want to lightly tease/be mean to them as you’ve always done with people you like/love. Write love letters every day for a year? How about I make fun of you on Twitter a couple times a week?
3. When you see families saying nice things to each other you’re shocked because your household treated one another more like the characters on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air than, say, 7th Heaven.
4. “No, seriously, [YOUR NAME HERE], can you answer me without making a joke of this?” is a frustrated statement you hear far too often.
5. When sentimental moments happen you feel squirmy & uncomfortable with any super emotional talks, so insults or playful banter spew from your mouth as if you have Tourette’s syndrome, because you are so awkward and feel the need to balance things out immediately.
6. You struggle with commenting on social media because you’d like to say something poking fun at particular posts but fear that others will take you seriously and think you’re unintelligent or rude.
7. Often times, the only thing saving people from you physically attacking them is the fact that you can give them a verbal lashing via sarcasm.
8. Condescending Wonka was (and perhaps still is) your spirit animal.
9. People misinterpret a good amount of your texts because it’s an impersonal means of communication that makes sarcasm even more difficult to distinguish.
10. As much of a struggle as performing satire via text can be, emojis have come a long way and are a necessary accessory in all of your conversations.
11. When it’s accessible, writing in Italics does you a ton of favors as far as getting your point and humor across.
12. Battles of wits with people who meet sarcasm with sarcasm instead of being offended are your favorite hobby.
13. You stopped playing with dolls and action figures years ago, trading them in for gullible people and their naïve, susceptible minds.
14. If you’re nice to a person, that might mean you don’t know or don’t care too much about them, as sarcasm is typically your favorite means of showing affection. Insults = Warmth & Kindness.
15. When having a public conversation with friends, you’ve drawn glares from strangers in the vicinity who overhear you and appear appalled by the crude verbal exchange that seems to be taking place.
16. The times when you actually do want to be taken seriously are difficult because everyone who knows you is anticipating jokes. You make a statement, they chuckle – it’s second nature. You’ve built a reputation as a not serious person and now you have to go the extra mile to not be brushed off.
17. There are people out there who you strongly dislike, yet they have no idea because they see you being sarcastic with everyone else, and mistake your actual loathing of them as nothing more than comedy.