Youngest child

A youngest child would definitely die in a horror movie. In fact, they’re probably the fucking killer. They have no regard for rules so they’d be exploring strange noises in the basement all alone, taunting the killer, losing their virginity, drinking — every single thing you’re not supposed to do. You know how in the beginning of a lot of horror movies they show some dumbass who’s the killer’s first victim that dies in some extremely stupid way? Yeah, that’s always a youngest child.

Middle child

The middle child plays two roles in a horror movie: either they die or they’re the killer.

If they’re not the killer they’ll try to stand out and get attention in a way the killer finds annoying and which will get them killed. If they are the killer, we all know it’s for some diaper baby reason like Mommy didn’t give them enough attention. Either way, they’re kind of screwed.

Oldest child

An oldest child will definitely survive a horror movie, and they’re too moral to be the killer. An oldest child is brave enough to do what it takes to survive, but cautious enough to not be an idiot and get themselves killed. They’ll be a protector of other people they meet along the way to their inevitable gruesome face-off with the killer and when it gets down to it, they’ll prevail.

Take note of who in your friend group is an oldest child, and then if people start dropping dead mysteriously, be smart and attach yourself to them.

Only child

An only child will survive a horror movie. They’re too mature to have such creepy hangups that cause them to go crazy and kill people and they’re too perfectionist to do anything that would piss someone off enough to want to kill them. They’re also typically pretty smart and resourceful so they’ll be able to pull through and make it out alive.