Chelsea Fagan

Living in doubt can be addictive, it can give a sense of burning hopefulness that, as long as it is not extinguished completely, can sustain someone for years on end.

You can’t guarantee that you will always be in a certain weight range. You can’t ensure perfect skin, or find a diet and exercise regime that works without fail.

Theon is a man who has something to prove. Everyone from his father to the hooker he secretly pretends is his girlfriend is someone he wants to put on a good show for.

This music is so good and is cutting through your heart like an infomercial knife through a series of vegetables — time to weep silently as you rock back and forth with your eyes closed.

Let’s be honest, Ursula’s brief stint as a molten-hot human chick was clearly one of the high points of this movie.

Agreeing to do a favor for someone that ends up being such an incredible hassle that you briefly consider ending the friendship just to be like, “Nope, sorry, this is ridiculous and I’m not doing it.”

It’s a very hard thing to hear, but someone who isn’t like you may be exactly what your recent ex needs, and they may be better than you — not in some objective, ultimate way, but for your ex.

Why are you going to subject yourself to scrolling through Perez Hilton while muttering about what a misogynistic pile of soggy hairballs that man is — what is that bringing to your life?

Not getting enough exercise/fresh air during the day, as you are making steady progress on transforming into a barnacle attached somewhere between your bed and your laptop.

Not having a bedtime, curfew, or authority figure who arbitrarily decides if you are allowed to go out this weekend.

Grabbing things with your toes and transferring them to your hands instead of bending down to pick them up.

Let’s talk about life here for a second. Spoiler alert: tons of people are going to have more money than you.

There is a deep cultural premium put on the “cool” of indifference in my generation, and it’s a persona that I doubt I could ever even fake. Because I do care, I care so deeply, and I am fairly certain I’m not alone.

Whatever this person is doing with their life, you no longer have the balls to do it. They’re quitting their job on a whim to go backpack through Asia. They’re dating gorgeous people they meet and ask out in the middle of the grocery store.

Blogging without making the requisite announcement/tag that you are now “drunk blogging.” Everything written while drunk blogging is acceptable.

Feeling the discomfort of even mild politeness being received as an open invitation to follow you down the street or insist on continuing a clearly-unwanted conversation is something you don’t have to be particularly gorgeous to experience.

Whether you like him in his clean-shaven, hopeful early days, or his scruffy, overgrown, widow-boning, depressed days, Noah is inarguably one of the greatest fictional boyfriends to ever not exist outside of our collective imaginations.

Lend me your sweater with the vague-and-absolutely-correct notion that I will be keeping it.