1. Tater tots.
Tater tots are the gold rush of food, and I am bringing my pan down to the river to sift for some fluffy-yet-crisp nuggets. Who doesn’t love a good tot, generously dipped in the condiment of your choosing? The answer is no one.
2. Twice-baked potatoes.
One bake was not enough for these luxurient treats, nor should it have been.
3. Mashed potatoes.
This workhorse of the potato world — I prefer it with skin, but smooth are good, too — is often overlooked when we talk about potato’s potential. But it shouldn’t be! Load these bad boys up with ample butter, salt, and pepper, and there’s no taste bud they cannot soothe.
This. Right here. Is my. Eastern Europe swag.
Even if you don’t happen to reach in that bag and pull out the oft-coveted “double fold chip,” they are still a solid snack, any time of the day. Get them kettle cooked and you may even finish a whole bag while marathoning Hoarders.
6. Baked potato soup.
It’s basically the savory version of egg nog, and is probably made entirely out of cholesterol and high blood pressure, but who cares??? BPS is the food that winter calls for.
7. Potatoes au gratin.
[Incoherent mouth gurgles]
8. Hash browns.
Whether freshly made on the side of your breakfast plate, or delivered in crispy rhombus form in a McDonald’s sleeve, hash browns are one of the greatest forms that potato can take. They’re like slightly looser tater tots, and what could be better than that?
9. Home fries.
Mix some peppers, onions, and Old Bay into these bad boys and you have arguably the swaggiest side ever to accompany some sunny-side up eggs. (See also: corned beef hash.)
10. French fries.
What can even be said about french fries that wouldn’t in some way detract from their authority? I believe we should just give them a salute of affirmation and respect, and remember to note it for posterity the next time we get one of those perfect crisp-to-puff ratios in our basket of frites. *Sheds single, dignified tear and whispers “I love you.”*