1. You are not still holding onto the remnants of an old relationship, even if that just means occasionally reading old messages because there is still a part of you that wishes you were back in that moment.
2. When people around you are getting married or engaged, you don’t feel bitter or resentful for them, you feel happy and — though you might want the same thing in your own life — aren’t consumed with envy by it.
3. There is a clear idea in your mind of the qualities you do and do not want in someone, and you have the conviction to say “no” to people with whom you know it won’t work out in the long term.
4. You are fulfilled in your friendships and know that they are a good circle of affirmation for you, because one person can’t be everything you need in your life.
5. You are not afraid of being single, and aren’t eager to get into a relationship just for the sake of being in one.
6. All of the different parts of your life where you could find someone — at work, through friends, online, in a coffee shop — are open and accepting of the fact that the love of your life might not be who you expected or come at the “right” time.
7. You know that there is no such thing as the “right” time.
8. There are real reasons why you are a catch, and that someone would be lucky to date. You know these reasons, embrace them, and know that it doesn’t make you cocky to be confident and happy with who you are.
9. Because of this, you’re not willing to be treated like someone who is beneath their partner or playing out of their league.
10. When you look at the relationships around you, you have a keen eye for recognizing the things that are and aren’t healthy about them, the things you would want for yourself and the things you’d want to avoid in your own life.
11. You know that the relationships you were exposed to growing up might not have been good models for what you need, and you can recognize the patterns in them that you do not want to repeat.
12. For each breakup that you’ve been through, you’re able to look back and, even if you were at fault and you don’t like admitting it, see what went wrong and how it could have been done differently. Whether it was an unforgivable transgression or simple incompatibility, you have the perspective to take real lessons from each ending you’ve gone through.
13. You know that, ultimately, only you are going to know what is right for you in terms of a serious relationship, and if people in your life don’t approve of it, the only thing you can do is be strong in your choice and respectfully decline their unwanted opinion.
14. You accept that relationships for other people don’t always look the same — that it can be more than two people, or reject the idea of marriage, or don’t want children — and realize that other people’s love has no bearing on you and therefore doesn’t need your judgment.
15. You take your time getting to know someone, and make an effort to talk about the things that they are passionate about so that you can get to see them at their most engaged. You know that everyone has something interesting to say, and there is no reason to write someone off right away because of how they look.
16. You are comfortable being alone, and want to share yourself with someone only because you believe that it can enhance the both of you, not because you believe there is something deficient in you that needs to be compensated for.
17. There is no part of who you are that you are willing to hide or be ashamed of to please someone else, even if you’re really interested in them.
18. You have a whole list of adventures that — in addition to the ones you’ve taken on by yourself or with friends — you can’t wait to do with your partner, once you have found each other.
19. You realize that it is just that: You find each other. It’s not you searching endlessly for the person who will complete you, because you both have something to give and something to teach, and any relationship that feels like one person is doing the other one a favor is the kind that you don’t want to be in.