19 Things That Are Not Your Fault

1. Someone not loving you back in the way you love them, even if you’ve done everything the “right” way and been the person you thought they wanted to be with.

2. You not loving someone back, even if they have been perfectly kind and giving to you, or feel that they are in some way entitled to your love and affection.

3. Having problems with mental illness that prevent you from living life in what everyone perceives as a “normal” or “positive” way. If someone attempts to shame you for having depression, or anxiety, or any other illness that it out of your control, remember that it is as ridiculous as shaming someone for having the flu.

4. Someone else, someone you love, having a problem with addiction. You can help them find someone to talk to or a group for support — and even go with them — but you cannot blame yourself for their having the problem in the first place.

5. Someone dying.

6. Your parents fighting, having serious problems with each other, or even getting divorced. And you cannot let them force you to choose between them, even if it’s just over a small dispute.

7. Not learning something as quickly as other people do, even if someone tells you that this particular math problem is “way too easy” and something “anyone” could do.

8. Whether you are predisposed to being short, or gaining weight more easily, or being tall and lanky, or having absolutely no curves where people think you are “supposed” to have them.

9. Being the kind of person who is naturally more introverted, and needs more time to themselves to recharge their batteries and calm down. If people tell you that you are “weird” or “lame” for not wanting to go out as much as they do, it is their job to be more understanding.

10. How wealthy the family you were born into happened to be, and how many things that many people consider “normal” they were able to afford.

11. Not being able to travel or move as much as people believe that you should because of financial constraints, work obligations, or family issues. And this doesn’t automatically make you less cultured.

12. Not liking the popular TV show or music that everyone else seems to love unconditionally.

13. Wanting to take your sex life slower than most people — even if the person you are seeing is trying to tell you that there is something wrong with you for feeling that way.

14. Wanting to have a lot more sex than people think you should be having, even if you are doing it in a safe, consensual way.

15. Someone you really want to be friends with just not being very nice to you and making you feel badly about yourself. The more power you give to them by reaching out to them again and again, the worse you are going to feel as a person — and there is no reason to change yourself entirely to please them.

16. Not having the job that everyone thinks you should have with the education you got (provided that you have put in the effort, to the best of your abilities, of finding one).

17. Not being in a relationship when everyone around you is either coupling up and/or getting engaged.

18. Not getting along with some people in your family for serious problems that you have had with them in past, even if everyone insists on telling you how much of a shame it is that you are no longer close, or that you should constantly be making efforts to repair bridges.

19. A good friend getting into a relationship that you know is bad for them. You can tell them that you care about them and you don’t want to see them get hurt, you can give them advice if they ask for it, and you can be for them in the aftermath — but there is no reason to feel guilty about the mistakes they have to make for themselves.