It was homecoming night in Columbia, Missouri where the university of Missouri is located. I’m on a 2am run to an apartment complex that I often visit in my line of work. The order was an extra large cheese pizza. I arrive at my customer’s door and knock. No answer. I knock again. No answer. As I’m dialing the customer’s number her neighbor walks out of his place. He asks me if she was responding and I told him no. He told me that she often orders food and then passes out. He goes ahead and opens her door and to no surprise she is passed out face first on the couch with her boob hanging out. He asks me how she paid for it and I told him it was on her credit card. He signs the receipt and gives me a fat tip. He then proceeds to open the pizza box and takes a huge bite out of two slices of pizza. He plants the two slices on his neighbor’s chest and then hurls the rest of the pizza across the living room. To this day I wonder what that poor girl thought when she woke up the next day. And that, my friends, is my best pizza story.
I delivered to this house, rang the doorbell, knocked, and was about to give up, despite hearing the television. I decided to bang the door louder, and finally heard the customer yelling. He finally answered and insisted that I come in. This is against policy, just so ya know. I step in, and I see what looked like a soap opera on the largest television I had ever seen. Had to be 70 or 80 inches. Then BAM! Sex scene, gay porn, I was stunned. The guy was barely wearing tighty whiteys and started screaming and trying to explain about letting go while the wife was gone. I didn’t hear much as I ran out the door. He paid and apologized, and insisted that I go back in. I appreciated the tip, but didn’t go in. I just took the money and he already had the pizza, I left it when I ran. I had to go back the next week, and his wife was home alone. She let me know that she was alone, he was out of town, and propositioned me. I declined, another tip, and told the boss never again.