1. The 6 best resumes he’s ever seen.
I’ve been hiring people since 1995, and I’ve kept a “Wall of Shame” list for all the things I’ve seen. A selection:
“bachelorette degree in computers”
“Please let me know if I can omit you in any way”
“Ecellent typist, great sppeed and accuracy. 756 wpm.”
“Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel”
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
“I am very detail-oreinted.”
2. A resume that looked like it was made by a 3rd grader.
Giant word art reading: ‘cover letter’. Followed by a huge, centered picture of them-self. It was poorer than a grade-three biography.
3. An obviously trustworthy candidate for the job.
I once got one that had a little note at the bottom, which read “I am well trust worthy, you can ask ne of my mates!!!!!!!”
4. A woman who mentioned a group project she had to do in college.
As a favor for a cute barmaid, I delivered her resume to the “right people” in my company. One of the bullet points under her experience section was that she had worked on a group paper in college with both a table of contents AND an index.
5. An application with great references.
On the application:
“Please provide at least two different personal references that are not your immediate family.”
Contact 1: Miss June Juiceberg. Relationship: Mother
Contact 2: Mark Markster. Relationship: Mah booMAH. BOO.
6. A woman with curious strengths and technical skills.
I’ve had one come to me. Under strengths she mentioned “god fearing” and under technical skill “windows.”
7. A candidate with a flair for Star Trek and another with poor credentials.
I reviewed a resume last year that used the Star Trek title font. If that wasn’t bad enough, he used 24 pt.
There was also one where a guy listed as a strength: “I’m excellent at debating various issues, as evidenced by the fact that I constantly win arguments with my girlfriend.”
8. Listing accomplishments from the first grade.
I’ve had a guy attach a two-page list of everything he had accomplished since the first grade. Examples include, but are not limited to: – 2nd place in fourth grade spelling bee – 3rd place in fifth grade math-a-thon – Honorable mention in eighth grade charity drive.
9. An applicant who got his mom to help him.
On a written application:
“Why do you want to work here?”
“My mom says I need a job”
“Do you have your own transportation?”
Different Handwriting – “I will drive him.”Most of the application was filled out in the mother’s handwriting, she picked up and dropped off the application, and she called several times wondering why her daughter did not get an interview.
10. An unsettling typo.
I was taking resumes for my replacement and one applicant wrote, “I got laid in March” instead of “I got laid off in March.” Let’s just say her cover letter was framed and hung up.
11. An 8-page resume.
The absolute worst resume I have ever seen was old r/WTF post. A girl going on and on about her personality and how quirky she was. It was 8 pages and only 3 of that was an actual resume. I can’t really explain its terribleness and will let the image speak for itself.
12. A vain applicant.
We had a guy write that he was voted “campus cutey” by the girls at his university, and attached a link.
13. A racist applicant.
Last year when hiring a customer service rep: “Work well with ethnics and people of a different race.”
14. A guy who obviously didn’t know what a resume was.
There are 2 types of people that come in to a business looking for work. The first kind has at least Googled your company, knows what you do and has a resume on hand.
The 2nd type walks in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and asks “are y’all hiring?”So, I get this #2 in one day, and he asks for an application.
“We don’t have any applications but we do accept resumes”
“Resume?”
“Yes…”I shit you not this kid reaches into his back pocket, pulls out a folded up piece of paper, unfolds it and hands it to me. It’s his fucking High School Diploma.
15. An application laden with typos.
I was hiring an admin assistant, one lady’s resume said: “I am very skilled in handling administration in the correct manor.” Her resume was 5 pages of incorrectly used words that spellcheck had probably selected incorrectly for her and a few bona fide spelling errors and typos. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and not be too much of a snob, but given the amount of proof reading and editing the position was responsible for, I did not hire her.
16. Applications written in the 3rd person.
Writing their introductory paragraphs in the third person.
Sally excels at Excel, and in 2005 she won an Excel competition.
I’ve seen it a couple of times and it’s just fucking weird.
17. A resume that came with a ridiculous reference.
My father’s former tenant, whom he evicted for failure to pay rent for over a year, used him as a reference when applying at my place of work.
18. A resume with “bad ass bitch” written on it.
I was a supervisor for a contractor that did door-to-door cable sales. We had people who would scrub the resumes, and then a small group of us would interview pretty much everyone who could string a sentence together. We’d generally look over the resume/cover letter for about a minute before the person came in.
I had to interview a girl who, I swear to you, had a picture of herself (very large black girl) on her cover letter and under skills listed “bad-ass bitch.” e-mail contained the “N” word (something like bigbeautiful”n”91@…). Turns out it was a real application and my coworkers decided they had to see if she was real.
19. A resume that screamed TRUSTWORTHY.
I once had to look at a resume for a kid who put down under skills: expert at not stealing :)
I did not hire him.
20. An absurdly long resume.
I had a guy tell me someone sent a 19-page resume to a company. Their filter automatically rejected him and he still doesn’t know why.
21. A resume that listed a pretty legit credential.
A friend of mine put “made the front page of Reddit.”
I think he got the job too.
22. The funniest sentence ever written on a resume.
We had a guy who had the sentence “I like helping people to help people and people too” in is cover letter. If we have to reread a sentence 10 times to convince ourselves it makes no sense you probably aren’t getting the job.
23. Applicants who are too honest.
I work in a convenience store, so far I’ve had one child molester (yes, he put that on his application) and a girl who put down under her last job that she was dealing meth. I appreciate honesty, but come on.
24. An oddly personalized application.
I actually had one person include a photo in their application package. The applicant was a 20-year-old woman. The picture was her lying on a hotel bed (clothed, but very revealing) surrounded by liquor bottles.
25. A ridiculous response to “career objectives?”
One question on the application was, “What are your career objectives?” to which the applicant wrote, “The sky’s the limit.”
26. An applicant who gave a pretty legitimate reason as to why he can’t work weekends.
Where I work you need to be available for weekend shift and holidays as those are our peak times. On the application it asks “Are you available to work on weekends and holidays, if not why?” and he wrote, “Nah, I need my weekends to chill with the boys.”
27. Another strangely personalized application.
This guy put backgrounds on every page… The background image he used, was his face.
28. An application written by the applicant’s mom.
We got some applications for an apprenticeship (IT / web) that seemed like people were actively trying to one-up each other. One was for a different job at a different company, one was hand-written by the applicant’s mother extolling her son’s virtues.
29. A seemingly misguided resume that actually worked.
My friend wrote, and I kid you not “I’ve been awesome since I can remember” and then proceeded to list how he was valedictorian of his high school, top of the class at law school, etc. The crazy part… he got the job at a pretty well respected law firm. To this day, I am baffled.
30. A resume with “Xbox Gamer” on it.
Xbox Gamer score at the top of the resume. I wanted to email the candidate and tell him to take it off ASAP… very cringe worthy!
31. Another oddly unprofessional credential.
Worlds Best Dad – Seven years running.
32. A resume with truly gratuitous information.
“I like the anime Bleach and I can make tea and coffee.”
33. A resume in which the guy quoted himself.
My sister in law keeps a resume she got on her fridge. The person ended with a poorly comprised quote…..from themselves.
34. An applicant who obviously doesn’t proofread.
My friend is an HR manager for a high-end metal fabrication company (parts for roller coasters, stadiums, etc.) and one day got a resume and cover letter from a “Lead Metalworker” who said his current company was underpaying him, that he’d move for $X more per year, and would bring multiple “skilled workers [he] knows and trusts” along with him for a referral bonus on each.
He sent this letter TO HIS CURRENT PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT and was promptly fired.
35. An application with a misdemeanor listed on it, even though the charges were dropped.
I used to do hiring for a large business consisting of minimum wage jobs. As is standard on most applications in the U.S. there was an area that asked if the applicant had ever been convicted of a felony and what they were convicted for as well as an explanation of the offense if they so choose. One application listed “Misdemeanor solicitation of sex – all charges dropped” I really wanted to call her to just let her know she should just leave that blank.
36. A resume in which a guy let loose all his dirty laundry.
A full explanation of their religious beliefs, social/familial problems, and a history of their mental health and drug abuse problems. Yeah… I don’t think you’re the right guy for the receptionist position. Sorry.
37. A truly unmatched “about me” section.
This girl came in and dropped off her resume. In her ‘About Me’ paragraph she wrote, “I cannot stand people who are lazy and don’t try! Lazy people are one of my biggest pet peeves!” Who in the right mind of fuck writes that??!
