My Favorite Catcalls: Bronx Edition
Catcalling, especially in New York City, is an infuriating reality that almost every woman has had to deal with. Whether it’s whistling, commenting on a particularly nice physical attribute, or something more derogatory in nature – women in this city, are aficionados of the trend.
However, as anyone who has ever lived the Bronx knows, catcalling has evolved into a professional sport. Most notably, the catcallers along sections of East Fordham Road have achieved levels of offensiveness hardly imaginable elsewhere. Whistling, honking, and staring simply do not suffice. These catcalls go beyond generic objectification. And because I’d hate for other women to miss out on the variety and vulgarity of these Bronx salutes, I’ve compiled (with the help of a few friends) a list of favorites:
“You got strong features girl!”
“How am I supposed to admire all your beauty when you walking faster than a fat kid who wants fried chicken?”
“Damn you got some thick legs! You look like you could be a football player”
“Be my baby mama. Please oh please. I’ll carry your groceries for you every day of the week.”
“Hey baby…white chocolate! WHITE CHOCOLATE!”
“Damn, she look like filet mignon.”
“Black from the back, white from the front”
“Can I sleep over at your place?…for the air conditioning”
“THAT’S MY WIFE!”
“Hey satin princess.”
“I got tickets to see the seals at the Bronx Zoo – and I’ve been savin’ em cause I knew I’d be finding a woman like you.”
“What’s up pumpkin spice?”
“Don’t get ratchet on spring break honey!”
“HEY! My girlfriend has that dress, but you wear it better!”
“Mmm. Delectable.”
“THAT’S A DAMN OREO I WANT TO SINK MY TEETH INTO.”
“I bet you know how to make a man feel like royalty.”
“I know you’ve been sitting over here trying to work up the courage to talk to me. So I figured I’d just come over here and make it easy for you.”
“Screw the gym, baby, I’ll give you a workout.”
“’I’m married, but I’m sure the good Lord would make an exception for you.”
And my personal favorite…
“Hey! Hey you! Stop for a second!! (out of breath from chasing after me) I just wanted you to know…that I’m young…and I’m fertile…and I’d be more than happy to fertilize you.”
…Yes, that actually happened. HELP ME, TOM CRUISE. 
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ8-eiHLg-M&w=584&h=390]