I’m sure you’ve heard about BDE. It’s humble confidence. It’s a bit of swag. It’s a quiet self-assured presence that emanates from someone who knows they can back it up. I’ve heard it said to be the equivalent of writing a check for $10,000 knowing you’ve got it in the bank.
It’s not just for dudes. Women can have it. Anyone can.
What true, real BDE comes down to is being secure in being insecure.
Most people assume that someone with confidence, someone who walks into a room and everyone loves them, who is successful and funny — who by all measures has BDE — is secure about everything. That person has everything figured out. They have BDE because they’re so sure about everything.
But I’ve realized that BDE actually comes from the opposite.
It comes from owning the fact that you do not have everything figured out BUT that you know you’ve got your own back. You know you’ve got what it takes to figure it out. You have faith that you will.
BDE comes from owning that truth. It comes from owning that you’re nervous, that you’re awkward. It comes from owning that shitty dad joke you said for the fifth time.
It’s all about being secure in being insecure.
You can be confident in that because at the same time you know you’ve got what it takes to keep moving forward. You’ve got the shit to back it up. You don’t necessarily have a resume filled with accolades or a bank account oozing with cash or your DMs filled with thirst traps.
Nah, your confidence comes from your spiritual BDE. Spiritual validation. Internal validation.
It means you don’t hide behind your doubt. It means you don’t say things or do things to avoid coming across as insecure. That’s not BDE!
The best way I think of BDE is half crying in front of your girl and half that Trivago guy from those commercials. Know who I’m talking about? That cool calm guy talking about the best deals and rates. He knows he’s got it. He knows he’s proven it before. He knows he stands by something that speaks for itself.
BDE = half confidence from passion and half being secure with being insecure.
So, my advice for you to build your subtle confidence is twofold.
Stand for something — anything. Stand for being kind. Stand for being empathetic. Stand for your passion. Stand for your art, for your music, for those you inspire, for the impact you’re making in the world — no matter how big or small.
Stand for that AND as you live it, don’t be afraid to say you don’t know the answer. Don’t be afraid to say you’re feeling nervous, don’t be afraid to feel those butterflies, don’t be afraid to say you feel uncomfortable.
THAT is BDE.
The more you live like that, the more I think you’ll realize that you 100% have the shit to handle whatever is being thrown your way. You can be confident in that!
You’ll come to realize that you’re not just projecting confidence. It’s not “fake it till you make it” confidence. It’s not a facade. You’re being real. You’re creating a life for yourself and you’re not afraid to admit it when you don’t know what you’re doing sometimes.
Do you want that? Do you want to feel calm and assured in yourself?
Well, then realize that ironically that feeling comes from feeling the opposite and not being afraid to own it. It comes from not feeling calm. It comes from not feeling assured in yourself. It comes from not ignoring that.
It comes from owning those feelings.
You don’t have to be some celebrity to have BDE. You don’t have to have some amazing job or be uber successful. You don’t have to be snapping necks and cashing checks. You don’t have to be verified on Instagram. You don’t!
You just have to find something that guides you, make decisions for yourself, and own how you’re feeling every step of the way. That is what builds confidence. That is what builds BDE.
That is what sets you free. That is what enables you to take failure and keep going, because as you do, and as you own how you’re feeling at each stage, you develop a quiet assurance that no matter what, you’re gonna be just fine.