Exactly Which ‘Thank U, Next’ Anthem Represents You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Exactly Which ‘Thank U, Next’ Anthem Represents You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Aries — break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored

You could say I’m hatin’ if you want to

But I only hate her ‘cause I want you

Say I’m trippin’ if you feel like

But you without me ain’t right

Let’s be real, this song was definitely written for a fire sign. Who deserves it more than the flirtatious Aries? You’re pretty much a walking thirst trap, and in the best way possible. And when you know you want something—or someone—you really want it, and you aren’t afraid to go for it. Your impulsiveness can sometimes come off as selfish or tactless, especially if you aren’t careful not to hurt feelings, but hey, you know what they say: all is fair in love and war.

Taurus — 7 rings

My wrist, stop watchin’ my neck is flossy

Make big deposits, my gloss is poppin’

You like my hair? Gee thanks, just bought it

I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it

No one knows how to flex quite like a Taurus, that’s for sure. It helps that you actually have the receipts to back it up. You’ve got a “treat yo’self” mentality, and you’re not afraid to throw down the extra $$$ if it’s something you really want. After all, luxury is important to you, which means you’ve probably got the newest gadgets, the nicest clothes, and the best tickets to the show. As far as you’re concerned, you deserve to show them off—you worked your ass off to get where you are.

Gemini — in my head

“My imagination’s too creative

They see a demon, I see angel

Without the halo, wingless angel”

You have a bad habit of seeing the things you want to see, Gemini, especially when it comes to relationships. You idealize people and romanticize them in your head until they’re your dream person—even if it’s nothing like how they are in real life. It’s a slippery slope, and a lot of the time you can’t help but fall. At the beginning of the song, Ariana’s best friend Doug gives some good advice you might want to heed: “Here’s the thing: you’re in love with a version of a person you’ve created in your head,that you are trying to but cannot fix. Uh, the only person you can fix is yourself.” It’ll save you a lot of wasted time.

Cancer — needy

I’m obsessive and I love too hard

Good at overthinking with my heart

How you even think it got this far, this far?

Ariana knew what she was doing when she wrote this song — she is, after all, a cancer through and through. You might try to hide inside your shell, my lil crab, but you’re all soft and squishy on the inside, which can definitely lead to some insecurities. You overthink, you feel too much, and sometimes you just need to know that your feelings are requited. But you know what? You might as well make like Ari and own the way you feel. Send this song to your friends, play it on blast, and sing it at the top of your lungs, ’cause you’re needy, bitch.

For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.
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For the person who is always googling astrological compatibility when they meet someone new.

How You’ll Do Everything Based On Your Zodiac Sign includes an exhaustive analysis of each sign’s personality. You’ll learn which high school clique represents them (Pisces are the cool art kids), who would get eaten first in a scary movie (Gemini, obviously) to how each sign prefers to say ‘I love you’ (for Taurus, it’s with good food). Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, this book is filled with deep dives into the mind of everyone whose birth chart you can get your hands on.

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Leo — bloodline

Don’t want you in you in my bloodline, yeah

Just wanna have a good time, yeah

And no need to apologize, no

But you gon’ have to let this shit go

Dating can be messy for you, Leo. You chase the highs and the good times, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking to settle down anytime soon. It can be confusing to the people you set your sights on, especially when they start to catch the feels (duh, it’s you) and you only seem to be in it for the fun. After all, you know you don’t need love to complete you. You’re as vibrant, fun, and flirty as the song itself—it’s no surprise people can’t help but fall for you a little.

Virgo — fake smile

If I’m hurt, I ain’t gon’ lie about it

Arms crossed with attitude, lips pouted

If I’m mad, I ain’t gon’ lie about it

Neck roll with the attitude, yuh

You may not be the most emotional zodiac sign, but you’re definitely one of the realest. If you’re not having a good time, you probably aren’t going to fake it. That’s not to say you’re going to make a scene, but you’re over the fake smiles and the overly polite small talk, because honestly, Virgo, it mostly just makes you feel tired as fuck. If you still find yourself pretending to be something else in front of others, let it go and just say what you mean—I promise it’ll make you feel better.

Libra — ghostin

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again

Over him

I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again

Instead of ghostin’ him

Let’s be honest, Libra: you aren’t always good at letting go. You’re the person who can stay hung up on an ex even when you’re already into the next relationship, and even when you know it isn’t fair for anyone else in the situation. You don’t want to hurt your current partner, but it’s not exactly easy to just turn off your feelings for someone else. Inject this song straight into your veins—it probably won’t make you feel much different than you already feel, anyway.

Scorpio — make up

My energy and attitude don’t really coincide

I’m stayin’ mad all day so we can let it out tonight

Bring you to the bed where we can really make it right

Sorry-in-a-box so when it pops up by surprise

Dating you can be a bit of a roller coaster, Scorpio, but you probably don’t need me to tell you that. You’re not afraid to start shit in your relationship—in fact, some might say you thrive on the drama. But even though you may argue and fight with everything in you, that doesn’t mean you still aren’t incredibly into your partner—it might even make you more into them. You know better than most that there’s nothing quite as thrilling as make up sex, and you might find yourself causing problems in your own relationship just to keep chasing that high.

Sagittarius — bad idea

Yeah, I know we shouldn’t, baby, but we will

Need somebody, gimme something I can feel

But boy, don’t trip, you know this isn’t real

You should know I’m temporary

So maybe you don’t think everything through completely. Or maybe you do, but you still don’t mind taking the risk. You’re the kind of person who will entertain ideas you already know are bad, and you’re not above rebounds, one night stands, or making rash decisions that act like a bandaid to cover up your hurt or disappointment. Even if you aren’t acting as rashly as others may feel you are, that doesn’t mean that you might not be pushing things a little too far every now and then. Next time you’re trying to decide whether or not you should go for it, just put this song on and remember: it’s probably a bad idea.

Capricorn — thank u, next

Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost

But that’s not what I see

So, look what I got

Look what you taught me

You may not be the kind of person who can get over a heartbreak immediately, but that doesn’t mean you don’t know how to move on. You’re probably not the person who still stalks their ex on Instagram or falls back into toxic relationships. Instead, you let your heart heal and then you keep moving forward, wherever that happens to take you. Perhaps the most admirable thing about you is your unwillingness to talk shit on your past flames. You recognize that they meant something to you in the moment and you’re grateful for it, even if it didn’t work out in the end. And now it’s back to working on your own shit!

Aquarius — NASA

Yeah, I’m just sayin’, baby

I can’t really miss you if I’m with you

And when I miss you, it’ll change the way I kiss you

Baby, you know time apart is beneficial 

You’re not the kind of person that would ever be accused of being clingy, Aquarius. You can love someone wholeheartedly but still need a healthy amount of space from them to pursue your own life. You’ve got a whole world to explore (and a rich inner life you need to nurture) and there are just some things you know you need to do alone. In some ways, this is the most intriguing thing about you—like the universe, there is so much about you people can’t quite put their finger on, and that’s what pulls them into your gravity.

Pisces — imagine

We go like up till I’m ‘sleep on your chest

Love how my face fits so good in your neck

Why can’t you imagine a world like that?

Imagine a world

You are the dreamer of the zodiac, Pisces. You’re less concerned with the reality of the situation and more into what could be—or, in your mind, what should be. If you could do nothing but live out a picture-perfect life with your lover, complete with Pad Thai and shared baths, you’d probably never leave your house again. But unfortunately, my little fish, sometimes things just aren’t meant to be, and sometimes people don’t want you the same way you want them. And even though, deep down, you already know that, and even though it breaks your heart, you still can’t help but dream. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Callie is a writer, editor, and publisher at Thought Catalog. Her debut book, ‘The Words We Left Behind,’ is available for pre-order before its January 9, 2024 release.

Keep up with Callie on Instagram, Twitter and calliebyrnes.com