You’re allowed to get your hopes up for this upcoming year. I know that you’ve done this before, have looked to the future with rose colored glasses and said “it’s going to be better, I’m going to be better” only to become bogged down by reality, but you have to keep trying. You have to keep wishing. You have to keep embracing the world and all it has to offer you, or else you’ll find yourself alone at the end of the day, praying for a redo that’s impossible to attain. And if things don’t go as planned, that’s okay too. There’s always another day to wake up for.
Stop shoving all of your needs onto the bottom of your priority list to be picked through at a later date. It’s only natural to have desires, both necessary and not, and 2018 should be the year where you stop punishing yourself for that. There are good things on the rise for you, and you shouldn’t let anything or anyone stand in your way: especially if the obstruction in question is self imposed. Make a playlist of songs that make you happy and dance until your heart feels ready to jump out of your chest. Unleash all of the joy you’ve been stockpiling inside of you.
You don’t have to be the best at everything you do in order for it to be meaningful. It’s easier to judge your accomplishments based upon those that came before you, or those that have had more experience, than it is to ignore them. Instead of comparing yourself to people like that, compare yourself to who you were last year, or who you were last month. “Am I better than I used to be?” is the only question that you should be asking yourself when tackling new projects, and new frames of thinking. This should be a year of focusing on yourself, and your growth.
Allow yourself to make mistakes without beating yourself up over them for years to come. There isn’t a person alive that exists without regret of any kind, and you should remember that fact whenever you look around and think that everyone is doing so much better than you are. It’s okay to step into the light, where others can see you, and admit to the nightmares you refuse to name. Nobody is expecting you to be brave or invincible all of the time. Let this year be the one where you refuse to feel guilty for your emotions.
It’s time that you stop giving so much of yourself to people that don’t or can’t reciprocate. There’s no reason to settle for relationships that make you feel anything other than warm, and safe. I know that sometimes it feels like this is all you’re ever going to get, that stale friendships and discarded lovers are what’s available to you and all you have to choose from, but that isn’t true. Make this the year the one where you come to terms with your self worth, and realize that you deserve better.
Change, for you, is a lot like swallowing cough syrup. You’ll do it if you have to, and you’ll put it off as long as possible, but it’s never something that you put in your coffee mug and look forward to drinking. But at the end of the day change, if handled correctly, is a good thing. You aren’t any happier than you used to be because everything’s remained stagnant, and while that isn’t completely your fault you have the means to make it somewhat better, and easier. Instead of asking yourself why the world has been so unkind to you, ask yourself what you can learn from it.
It’s human nature to want comfort in the form of another’s presence, but that shouldn’t be your primary focus for this upcoming year. I know that you love love, and you’re always searching for more of it in friends and family and the things you create, and that’s okay. It’s a beautiful part of your personality. But self love is just as important as love that extends outwards, and pushing it aside does more harm than good in the long run. You aren’t going to be alone forever, but if you’re alone for right now you don’t need to be scared of it. Don’t run away, this time.
Keep feeding your momentum as this year progresses. You have a tendency to start out strong when pursuing something new, and then peter into casual disinterest once the smallest roadblock appears in your path. Find a direction, and a compass, and don’t let yourself lose focus of where you want to be. There’s a future out there in which you’re happy… a future where you don’t go to bed crying over the people that don’t know how to love you, and it’s attainable as long as you still want it. And you do want it, don’t you?
Let go of your heavy heart as you enter this new year. A lot of anniversaries are coming up, some good and some bad, and it’ll be easier to push through them if you’re unburdened by the things you’re unable to change. Get rid of the ghosts and the insecurities, this month. Forget those that forgot about you. Begin asking yourself the questions you’ve been setting aside for a later date. Close the book, if it’s all said and done. You have so much to give people, and to bring to the world: don’t let your self doubt detract from that.
Sometimes a metaphorical blank slate is just the thing you need in order to throw yourself back into living. While you’ve never been one for holidays, organizing and reevaluating is something that’s part of your wheelhouse. Make a list of goals to accomplish, not necessarily resolutions, and try your best to stick to them. It’s easy to forget how much of a relief it is to follow through with something when you haven’t in a while. So remind yourself. Push when you can. You’re much more flexible than you let yourself believe you are.
You’re very good at hiding underneath your skin, pretending that you don’t pick at old wounds and that you don’t want to smash every mirror in your home to pieces. But this year I want you to ask yourself why. Why are you concealing yourself from those that love you? Why aren’t you asking for the help that you need? Why do you feel as though you have to be perfect in order to be good? There’s nothing wrong with needing something to change and not knowing how to put it into action. You’re only human. Treat yourself as such.
There’s still a voice in your head that likes to tell you that you’ll never amount to anything, and while most of the time you’re able to tune it out, sometimes you think it’s right — that you’ll always wear your past like a coat, and you won’t ever be able to settle down. You can’t listen to that. Positive thinking has never been something you’ve thought necessary to combat this, but there’s nothing wrong with giving it a try. As silly as it may sound, make a list of reminders for yourself. “I am worthy. I am brave. I am trying my best.” Don’t let the tiny voice win, this year.