I was hanging out with my friends the other night. We were sharing wine and stories from the past week—swapping our various boy problems and work drama—when I mentioned a guy I was currently talking to.
Me and this guy had been talking for a LONG time, but every time I tried to bring up the idea of an actual date he would abruptly change the subject. I remember asking him if we wanted to grab coffee one weekend, and he immediately asked me what my favorite type of coffee was. I went on and on about what I like at different times (iced latte in the summer, pumpkin spice in the fall etc.) and it was only a few hours later that I realized he hadn’t actually answered my question.
My girlfriends stared at me in disbelief.
“He’s totally ‘curving’ you!” My best friend Aly exclaimed.
Apparently “curving” is an ugly distant cousin of “ghosting.” When someone “ghosts” you, they just suddenly stop responding with no explanation or goodbye. When someone “curves” you, they keep responding, but they bat away any questions regarding commitment or any attempts to define your relationship.
People primarily use curving for two reasons.
Lots of fuckboys (and fuckgirls for that matter) use curving so that they can keep hooking up with you without addressing the question of “what” the two of you are. So if you are sleeping with someone regularly, and you try to ask them if you’re dating, they could curve you by simply ignoring the question or instead ask you to “come over.”
Oftentimes, confronting someone who is curving will result in them ghosting you. For instance, I finally didn’t let my love interest change the subject on me when I asked about going on a real date, and he just stopped replying to my texts. #Byeeeeee
But there’s another insidious reason people choose to “curve.”
Oftentimes people who are in relationships still like to flirt (i.e. cheat) with other people. So someone might go out to the bar and be SUPER flirty with you until maybe you pick up on a sign, or ask just to be sure, and suddenly they reveal, “Oh yeah, I have a girlfriend!!!”
You were on the path to something, but suddenly you got curved.
This is just a really dishonest way to date. To be honest, it might be even worse than ghosting. Ghosting is super rude, but at least it isn’t blatantly lying about your intentions.
In 2017, we should all just be more honest with each other. Don’t lead someone else on, don’t breadcrumb someone, don’t ghost. Just go out into the world and try to…date. I dunno, maybe I’m just an old soul or old fashioned, but I think we should just be honest and open! Tell someone how you feel—tell the truth! If someone is interested in you, and you’re not interested in them, just say that! Don’t lead them on and then “curve” them at the last minute! Let’s just all treat each other the way we want to be treated.