19 Guys Reveal Exactly How They Feel When Their Girl Won’t Have Sex With Them

Elena Montemurro
Elena Montemurro

1.

“Mother fucker it’s been not tonight for 3 months. Just tell me you’re not attracted to me so we can break up”

But really it’s only an issue if: Your libidos are very different and s/he isn’t in the mood nearly as frequently as you, or it’s been a good amount of time (like the example above) and there still hasn’t been an explanation.

— UnstableFlux

2.

If it becomes a pattern, I feel unwanted and insecure. It’s a really shitty feeling.

— tenders11

3.

For me, it was a sign to work out and take better care of my personal hygiene. I think it’s easy to get complacent about those things when you’re in a relationship. When I started working out more, so did she. We both got better looking and had higher libidos as a result.

Not saying it’s a fix-all… if you’re with a girl who just doesn’t want to have sex anymore, it’s gotta be demoralizing. Sexual incompatibility is definitely a deal breaker for me–if it’s persistent.

— belarged

4.

My girlfriends sex drive has gone down since she gained weight and I’m still in my prime and could have sex three times a day no problem but it’s more like once a week. I’m to the point where I just wait for her to make the move on me because getting rejected is just shitty. I jerk off a lot.

— hemptations

5.

It can get so much worse. Really fucks with your self esteem and it’s at the point where it’s made me feel so shitty that I don’t want to do it anymore, even if she begged for it. Find out if it’s going to be a lifelong problem and jump ship if you can’t live like that.

— drinkthebleach

6.

It makes me feel so unattractive and unwanted. It’s horrible. It was getting better but now we moved across the country again so we are exhausted from unpacking and getting settled again.

— deathwarmdover

7.

My girlfriend and I almost broke up over this. Over a month of initiating and being rejected. I flat out sat her down and told her ” look, I’m a guy. That’s how it is. I want and like to have sex. If not with you , I will go somewhere else” we had sex that night and many nights after. I don’t know if this is the correct way to handle that situation, but I had to say it. I was ready to burst

— NIN-pig

8.

I feel SUPER rejected. I respect it and am totally OK the morning after, but that heavy disappointment of the moment is pure pain :/

— comm_matthew_perry

9.

I have a higher libido than she does so it does come up a bit. I’ve let her know that it makes me feel rejected, unattractive, and it isn’t great. So once it gets to a certain amount of time, I just rub one out and go about my business.

— TheDarkHorse83

10.

It kind of depends. I definitely put more effort into our sex life than she does by miles but I also know I have a much higher sex drive than she does. Normally we’ll have sex a couple time a week, I could do more but I’m OK jerking off when I need to also. When her stress level is through the roof her libido sits in the basement. Sometimes it hurt and I feel like she’s not attracted to me but I know she is, she’s just not always horny like I am.

— j1akey

11.

When she is on her “period” then fine.

But if she not, and keep rejecting me without solid reason then I feel disappointed.

What the point of the relationship then? just break up.

— seihanda

12.

When my fiancée and I first started dating, we were getting it on several times a week and she was really flirty and touchy. Lately it’s the exact opposite. It’s been several months. I take care of myself several times a week, but she doesn’t do anything at all. I don’t know if it’s a medical thing or what, but overall I’m sexually frustrated and she gets mad when I try to bring up sex as a topic of discussion. I don’t know what to do at this point.

— DarthPiette

13.

Depends on the period of time. A few days? Whatever.

A week? With no explanation? That’s going to set off an alarm.

— Coidzor

14.

I doesn’t bother me cause I know I got a side chick to cover me.

— Masonjarteadrinker2

15.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little over 2 years now. The longest we’ve gone without sex is a few months due to her getting knee surgery. Other than that, something like 2 weeks because we see each other 2 or 3 times a week (and her period was week 2).

Getting a “not tonight” is a perfectly fine answer. This is something I have had to drill into her head. She’s been sexually abused by an ex in the past, so I make sure that she never feels pressured to have sex.

I tend to be a little sexually aggressive, so what’s been up is that we have 2 kinds of “no” or “stop”. For example. The other day I was grabbing her all over. At first she was saying “no” and “stop” playfully, so I kept going. Then she said “no” in a deadpan voice, so I immediately stopped and apologised.

So all in all, I’m fine with it. I can always masturbate. But I will bring it up if it becomes a problem.

— smasters908

16.

I went through this with my current GF. It is a massive blow to the confidence getting rejected by your own girlfriend. Gladly we ended up figuring stuff out and have a lot of sex now

— JewliusCaesar69

17.

I went through this with an ex of mine. Talked about it all the time and it would get better for a little while and then drop off again. Made me feel like shit about myself due to the constant rejection. I still deal with feelings of inadequacy because of it.

— Andhareall

18.

My relationship is pretty new. The few dry spells have been due to us not being able to hang for multiple days combined with her not feeling it the days we did.

It made me slightly frustrated. Was she play acting before when we first started and she was blowing me all the time, and grabbing my dick on a crowded train? Does she not like sex, when she I have the talk, and how long after that do I dump her?

Sometimes I’m just worried about her. Like maybe her libido is fucked up because she’s not healthy. Her sleep and diet are fucked, she’s thinking about one of her shitty exes.

— n00b_f00

19.

I’ve never tolerated that. Sex is too important to me. Not down? Then I’m out.

— zherico TC mark

Brittany Cox

Ontario real estate specialist. I write relationship advice, #GuysInsight, sex, and snark.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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