40.
“I’ll stop burning your food if you come back!”
bitch wtf, I thought you just couldn’t cook…
41.
“I’m ready to try anal.”
— Paymaker
42.
Broke up with ex yet she would still text me constantly. One day she tells me she has cancer and is in need of immediate surgery. I ask her what’s specifically and she tells me she has cervical cancer. I ask for facts and she throws some at me.
What she neglected to remember was that I worked in medicine.
In a surgical unit.
With two OBGYN’S.
I helped them daily performing the exact surgery she said she “needed.” When she was done I replied with a very long text detailing how everything she said wasn’t factual. Never heard from her again.
43.
Calls me six months after our breakup at 11pm on a weeknight when I had classes the next day (college).
She tells me “Remember that tree at the peak of American Fork canyon that we carved our names into?”
“Uhh yeah?”
“I’m gonna drive up there right now to see it if you wanna go with me.”
“Lol I have school tomorrow.”
“Oh……. Ok”
This was after she ended our three year relationship to go be with some white trash “bad boy” named David that she somehow knew from before I met her. He had gone to prison for stealing semi-trucks and just got out a month or two before she ran off with him.
I spent about a month acting like a pathetic moron texting and calling her, begging for her to take me back. To be fair it was my first real relationship and the thought of losing her was unbearable at the time because I was an idiot. Six months had been plenty of time to move on though. Thank god she waited that long to crawl back so I could use my brain and say no thanks.
Never heard from her again. Though I did see her in the newspaper about two years later. Apparently her, David, her twin brother Brad, and some other chick all got arrested for counterfeiting money and trying to use it at a local Wendy’s 😂. They even used plain printer paper and a cheap inkjet printer to do it. I like to imagine them drugged up and suddenly feeling like geniuses when they figured out how to line it up and print on both sides of the paper 😂😂
Edit: Found the article. I should mention that she looked a lot better when we were dating. Not sure what happened to her. Probably drugs.
— Chevex
