1. Some people think that the only way an alpha can thrive in a relationship is if they are paired with a beta. This is damaging as a rule of thumb. Two compatible alphas in a relationship make a power couple. Alphas that don’t know how to work with other alphas are dictators – they’re ruled by ego, not confidence and strength.
2. Very few people are entirely alpha or beta. Most of us fall somewhere in-between, having more confidence about some areas of life than others. This is healthy and normal. It’s not about finding someone to lead the relationship and having someone else follow. It’s about finding someone with whom your strengths and weaknesses are compatible.
3. Learning to weave through power dynamics may be difficult, but everyone, in every relationship, ever, deals with in some way or another. If we’re going to continue to shift the gender continuum so incredible women can thrive in society as independent leaders, we’re also going to have to learn how to coexist as equally powerful counterparts.
4. A relationship with an alpha may be more challenging, but with a beta its less fulfilling. You may have to work on not getting your horns locked, but is that really worse than having a partner who is less motivated, more uncertain, often passive, and so on? Probably not.
5. No healthy, happy relationship functions on the principle that one person dominates everything, and the other submits. It’s about finding an equilibrium that works for you. Then it’s about trusting one another, deferring to one another when necessary, learning from one another, and supporting one another.
6. A lot of alphas like to maintain control because they feel they lost control at some point in their young lives. To be with another alpha means that they have to let go of some of that control in favor of trust, which is a really healthy and positive thing to do.
7. Every relationship will have its issues. This is non-negotiable. It’s not about choosing a relationship that’s easiest, it’s about choosing a relationship that’s worth the inevitable hardships.
8. Not so long ago, women were primarily pushed into assuming the role of the default “beta.” Now that we’re seeing alpha women develop themselves and thrive as individuals, we can’t assume that it means the only way for them to be happy is to find a partner to fulfill the “submissive” role. If we do that, we’re back to square one.
9. The most important thing is not whether one of you is dominant, it’s whether you have the same objectives. When you’re aligned on the big things – what you want in your lives, values, goals, and so on – you use your energy together and thrive like you couldn’t have as an individual.
10. Two alphas together are each other’s partners, not each other’s teachers, babysitters or stand-in parents.
11. If being a fulfilled individual is what it means to be an alpha, it’s even more important that you spend the majority of your time with someone who won’t blindly follow you. Rather, you need to be with someone who will question you, challenge you, and inspire you to grow.
12. Alphas choose each other out of want, not out of need.
13. The most important aspect of making an alpha/alpha relationship work is ensuring that you maintain your individual life outside of the relationship. And isn’t that the definition of a great relationship? Not someone who is your life, but someone who adds to it, supports you in it, and stands next to you while you go after it?
14. Alphas push one another because they’re both actively striving. Two growth-oriented individuals in a partnership focus on how they can improve things, including love.