What You Need To Do Before You’ll Find Your Life Partner, Based On Your Attachment Style

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Secure

Learn to be happy on your own, and find practical ways to do this. Travel by yourself. Commit to an entire year of celibacy and force yourself to find happiness even without a partner. Once you’ve come to a place where you don’t feel like you need a significant other to thrive, try dating outside your “type,” or at least don’t settle for your longtime love just because they’ve been around forever. You might have had the advantage of present parents, but your downfall is complacency. Don’t let it get the best of your years.

Avoidant

Address your flightiness in every part of your life. Learn to make the best of things even when they aren’t perfect. Stay in your city for another year, accept your body as it is, focus more on thriving in the work you have than lusting for the work you think you’d prefer. Sure, there’s a lot to be said about having the courage to choose the life you want, but that’s really never been your problem. You’re a little too inclined to up and leave it all behind at the first sign of trouble. Learn emotional resilience. Become okay with a little discomfort. If it’s ultimately for a greater purpose, it’s worth it. When it comes to other people, vocalize when you’re actually upset rather than inflating some small issue and releasing your pent up stress through that. Learn to say “I’m not okay” when you’re really not okay. Your whole life will be better for it.

Anxious

Accept that pain is part of life, and it’s especially part of a life well-lived. You’re going to have to risk being hurt if you want a chance at really being loved. Let go of the weird, old attachments you’ve been carrying around – the lost loves you’re still afraid of running into, the past ideas about yourself that once defined you. Stop making relationships out to be either the greatest things in the world or the most devastating. Find a middle ground. Work on addressing your fears, focusing on rational thoughts, and surrounding yourself with kind, trustworthy people while you do so.

Disorganized

Consider seeking professional help. There are ways to do this that are either inexpensive or cost-free, so do some research. If you’re coming from a home in which your parents were both your caretakers and your abusers, your biggest issue is going to be not re-creating your childhood in the future. Think of how many children of alcoholics end up marrying addicts because they assume that’s what they’re worth, or they’d rather re-create the familiarity of what they’ve known than step out into what they don’t. Be hyper-aware of who you choose to date. Develop an absolute intolerance for bullshit. You do not want to choose a relationship with someone you have to fix, that part of your life is done. Choose a relationship with someone you can just love. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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