At some level, we all want to be seen and loved for who we really are. Yet it’s often difficult to find someone with whom you have anything in common, let alone develop a connection that transcends all other relationships in your life. There’s no doubt that having someone with whom you deeply connect is rare, but it’s also very often overlooked (or taken for granted). To put it in perspective, here are a few things deeply connected couples do regularly:
1. They share ideas stream of consciousness; they don’t self-edit while around one another. Deeply connected couples can tell each other anything; they always hold space and hear them out. Sharing the books that moved you most, articles that just made you think, the ideas that have inspired you is the most intimate way you can communicate with someone. Once your minds are connected, your souls can be too.
2. They ask the same questions they did when they were first getting to know one another. They do not assume their partners’ personalities or interests or thoughts are fixed or stagnant. They consistently reignite the magic in their relationship by getting to know one another over and over again. It is through this mentality that they’re able to fall in love with every person their partner becomes – not just the one they met years ago.
3. They take time to quietly do “nothing” together. The afternoons sitting across the table at a coffee shop, focused intently on their respective laptops. The long, quiet drives with open windows and music blaring. When they’re at home, working in their own corners, aware of one another, but focused none-the-less. Their comfort with one another does not require them to fill every second with words, and yet, they bond in an entirely different way when they’re able to just quietly coexist.
4. They communicate non-verablly. They’re able to tell when their partner is even the slightest bit upset, just from a facial expression or offhand comment. When you’re really connected with someone, you become hyper-sensitive to these signals, and you use them to ensure that your partner is okay. It makes you that much more capable of loving them.
5. They care for one another in the practical ways. They cook dinner for one another and care for each other when they’re sick. They watch out for one another, and defend one another, and look out for each other like family. There’s a very inherent kind of protectiveness you develop toward the people you care most about – their well-being becomes akin to your own.
6. They ask: “How was your day?” They talk about the little things (and the not-so-little things, too). They share details about the hours and days they spend apart beyond just saying things were “good,” or work was “stressful.” They actually communicate about the daily minutiae of life, which makes way to communicate when more important things come up.
7. They “role play” the future. They ask hypothetical questions, or live as though they’re life partners far before they’re married. “Role playing” the future is an often overlooked (but very effective) means of seeing how well you actually function together as a unit.
8. They evaluate their relationship objectively. They’re able to see the issues that they have with one another outside of the scope of their intimate connection, and it’s crucial. Being able to see petty frustrations as temporary is crucial to being able to speak about them honestly, resolve them entirely and ultimately move on and grow from it. When you are evaluating your relationship subjectively, it’s almost impossible not to just argue for your side of the situation, rather than seeing it in its entirety. 
