8 Struggles Of Being The Girl With Perpetually High Expectations

Having high expectations is synonymous with having self-worth. There’s nothing wrong with expecting a lot from life, that is, unless your attachments to the perfect outcome override your ability to see reality. Having high expectations is one shot in the cocktail of self-actualization, but the other ingredients are honesty and awareness. So here, 8 things people who are perpetually idealistic often struggle with:


1. You expect people to be better than they are, or at least the best that they can be. You tend to hold people in such a high regard that they not only don’t live up to it, but your feelings are hurt when they seem to be selfish or jealous or inconsiderate – seemingly out of nowhere. A lot of your issues with friendships and relationships just stem from you assuming that the person in question is, and will behave, like the best version of themselves.

2. You often confuse “good” for being the opposite of “perfect.” It’s hard for you to feel settled before projects are done, goals are achieved, and so on. You have a hard time celebrating the little milestones, because it’s only “good enough” when it’s done and done well. Your brain works in such a way that “perfect” is “complete,” and “good enough” is synonymous with “not the best.”

3. You hold yourself to unnecessarily high standards. Though on the outside it seems like your life is more than “together,” you’re always hyper-aware of how things could be improved, or better. You’re hard on yourself because you know that’s what it takes to grow, yet sometimes this can be grating on your psyche. Rather than accept yourself as you are, you’re more inclined to just push forward to what you could be (it’s sometimes hard to remember that those things aren’t mutually exclusive).

4. You’re more likely to love the potential of a relationship than you are the reality. You always get stuck in the “someday” blues, hoping with all of your heart that it will work out, that they’ll change, and so on. You’re always enamored by the idea of people, what something could be. You’re romanced by what the relationship means, and everything you’ll do someday, as opposed to what’s in front of you here and now. It’s because of this that you often get attached to the relationships that aren’t right for you. After-the-fact, you realize that the only part you thought was “right” was what you hoped it would someday be.

5. You think you’re a superhero and can do everything yourself. You’re more driven by ideals than you are practical ways to achieve them. You often find yourself in over your head with work or social obligations, only because the idea of a big, full life easily overrides what was practical for you to be settled and happy. (This is a pattern.)

6. You often forget that having a bad day is just part of life. You always seem to have to remind yourself that what you’re going through is normal, and that you’re not a lesser being because you struggle sometimes (or often!) It’s hard because you want to think of people as their fully actualized, fully realized selves, and so you extend the same notion to yourself, and think anything less is an affront to that goal (it’s not, the end goal is not perfection, yadda yadda yadda).

7. Your mantra is: “then do something about it.” Your biggest pet peeve is people who refuse to see the problems in their life. You can’t deal with people who complain but don’t care to take any action for change. This is especially true of people who are older (and should be wiser) than you. You like to believe that people’s minds and hearts evolve as their bodies do, but you’re frequently reminded otherwise.

8. You have a hard time seeing the “good” in people over the “needs to be better.” It’s not that you intentionally want to focus on people’s less-than-admirable qualities, just that it’s your first instinct. You expect them to be their best – or striving for their best – only because the way we see others is akin to how we think of ourselves. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Want more articles like this? Check out Brianna Wiest’s book The Truth About Everything here.


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