22 Things That Are Never Justifiable No Matter How Gratifying They May Be

1. Being unaccepting because the people around you are, or falling into the negative mindsets of those who think prejudices are funny and amusing, because it’s easier to laugh along than to potentially ruffle feathers and point out ignorance. The reality of it is that the more you participate, the more your mindset will shift as well.

2. Spending any gratuitous amount of money on something that does nothing more than serve as a status symbol that you otherwise don’t want or need.

3. Deciding someone is lesser than you because their lifestyle doesn’t fit your ideal.

4. Brushing someone else’s feelings off because their expression of such makes you think and reevaluate and acknowledge something you’d rather not deal with. You can’t dismiss someone’s experience and reality just because your perspectives are different or because you don’t want to deal with it.

5. Not owning up to your mistakes, blaming other people for what is obviously your fault, and playing the victim when you’re not.

6. Reducing yourself and allowing yourself to be belittled by other people’s insults just because they’re intimidated by or jealous of you. People absolutely love to downplay other people’s success or happiness so they can feel better about themselves, and that’s their prerogative, something they’ll have to deal with eventually. But you can’t let it change you. Let their narrative be theirs, don’t adopt it as yours as well.

7. Not understanding that disliking someone for arbitrary reasons isn’t an excuse to treat them like less of a person.

8. Not eating another piece of pizza if you want it. Health is one thing. Depravation because you think that skinny always means beautiful and that society tells you to be ladylike and barely eat and keep your pinky in the air and your ass surgically positioned upright is quite another. Letting other people control your lifestyle choices and then complaining that you’re miserable is a dangerous cycle.

9. Being influenced by someone else’s opinion of who you should be. Words don’t change you. Opinions don’t change you. People’s jealousy doesn’t change you. Rude comments don’t change you. The choices you make because of those things do.

10. Not removing yourself from a situation that is seriously hurting you because some part of it seems comfortable and easy.

11. Being happy that someone else has failed. Do you know how often people sneer at the girl who gained weight and the guy who dropped out of school and the couple that didn’t last because of their own hangups with seeming superior to everyone? Way too god damn often.

12. Quantifying things in your life to make yourself feel worthy.

13. Not telling a friend when they’re doing something destructive or are wearing something unflattering or actually look worse after their 70 lb weight loss because you want to look better in comparison to them. It’s easier to stay quiet and pretend you subscribe to socially normative opinions with these things (skinny is always better!) but it’s one of the worst evils– a friend who lets a friend flounder so they can float.

14. Loving someone only because they fit the checklist. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to you.

15. Fixing internal problems with external means and believing that you’ve actually healed some part of yourself.

16. Being dishonest about yourself to comfort someone else, or worse, lying to yourself about who you are because you aren’t ready to come to terms with the truth and the consequences that truth may have for your relationships with some people.

17. Punishing yourself for being human. We’re all too hard on ourselves for meaningless things and not serious enough about the things that matter. Spewing negative self talk or starving yourself of a meal or convincing yourself you’re a worthless piece of know-nothing shit does nothing but make you feel like a worthless piece of know-nothing shit. What matters is finding a way to be okay with the things that are a little messy at times, especially when the little mess is you. Annihilating yourself does not help the cause whatsoever.

18. Using physical means to insult a person because you disagree with some other part of them, as it would seem like the fastest and easiest way to hurt someone’s feelings.

19. Taking advantage of people, not paying back your debts and not thanking those who most honestly deserve it.

20. Not apologizing when an apology is definitely due because ignoring the issue is so much easier.

21. Disassociating yourself from your past when it’s still unresolved. The thing about this is that it doesn’t actually go away the farther away you get from it. It has shaped you and it remains in you. It has to be acknowledged and worked through. Seeing your life as only segments of experiences different people have had is unhealthy and keeps you blind to that which you really need to see to understand yourself.

22. Feeling the need to backup your life choices with declarative statements like “oh, well, it’s temporary,” and why your significant other is an okay person despite some other aspect of them you’re worried that other people will see as subpar and accepting insults with a sullen “I know” because you actually believe you are worth such words. These things put us at ease in the moment, but in the long term, are completely destructive. TC Mark

Brianna Wiest

My new book on self-sabotage is out now.

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus