But where would you rather be?
This is what my hairdresser asked me after she had finished touching up my hair. We had just wrapped up one of our countless talks that we do about depression, my life, and moving forward through it all.
Her husband just died and I had asked her how she was coping and I mentioned that even though it seemed like he died so fast, she simply replied, “But that is how it is. It happens just like that. He’s gone, so where would you rather be?”
When she asked me this, she was implying that depression does make you want to call it quits on life.
It does. It can get so bad that you don’t want to live anymore. And we have all had moments like this, regardless of if we have been through anything traumatic in our lives or not.
We may look at where we are compared to others and get so depressed because it doesn’t seem like we are getting anywhere.
We are just existing.
Or we think about how much pain we have really been through and we begin to ask ourselves what it all means in the end and if it will lead to something greater, better, bigger.
Or is the pain we experience simply a part of life and we can’t deal as a result.
Because for a lot of us, we want happiness so bad, but we aren’t getting it and time stops for no one. It continues, as we go on miserable and without any sense of direction or where we might end up in it all.
I know a lot of what I touch on is heavy stuff. I go there as a writer because I know a lot of what I say is an extension of someone else’s experience.
It is an extension of the thoughts someone may experience on a daily basis, but would rather ignore it and shove it down instead.
But what you have felt as a human being is valid.
We are all trying to find something to hold unto in this world, in a life that is far from easy.
I know you have had days when you didn’t want to get out of bed and you thought the world would be better off without you.
But it isn’t true, one bit.
You see all those articles you write? Someone who reads them is so inspired they can’t wait to read your first book.
The people you spoke to and offered words of encouragement to, they remember who you are and they want you here.
The opportunities that have come your way since your downfall, job opportunities, the people you have met, all of that has been worth it.
Or when you finally graduated from college after numerous setbacks that came your way. All of the pain and hard work that came prior was worth it.
Even if you have had not had one bit of that and it has been pure hell for you all over again and you have had nothing to smile about for months, remember that time you did smile and actually enjoyed being alive for that moment?
Wasn’t it refreshing? Weren’t you hopeful?
I need you to tell yourself that will happen again and again and again when you doubt your existence and reasoning for being here.
Life isn’t a bed of roses. You know that. We all do, but you are here, through it all, through all of the shit you have endured and you are stronger for it.
Now ask yourself this, where would you rather be than here, right now at this very moment?