You want it to work, you really do. You swear things between you two would be amazing if only he would stop doing this and start doing that instead. You two look so good together. He’s perfect on paper. The sex is hot. You’re so tired of the dating scene. Blah, blah, blah.
Stop it! You know what you’re doing and you know you can do better. Here are 20 very clear signs this is a situation and not a relationship, and it’s going absolutely nowhere.
1. They’re “too busy” to text you. There are 24 hours in a day and each of those hours holds 60 minutes. Every single one of those minutes has 60 full seconds in them. Now, write a text. How long did it take? #PointProven
2. They play the cat and mouse game. One night, they’re into the relationship and the next you’re reenacting Adele’s “Hello.” Just as you’re giving up, they call to say they’ve thought about things. They were a fool. Please take them back. Once you do, they’re gone again. Show them you stopped playing “girl chase boy” in grade school and run the other way.
3. They make everything all about them. You make sure their needs, wants and desires are met, which leaves literally zero room for you in their me, me, me world.
4. They use gaslighting techniques as a way to keep you in check. Gaslighting is a phrase assigned to an emotional abuse technique that has one partner convincing the other that reality is an illusion. If your partner is denying they said and did things or blaming you for saying and doing things you didn’t, it’s abusive.
5. Your partner is a dick. Healthy, normal adults know how to speak to and treat others like human beings. There’s no power or charm in being an assh*le.
6. They disrespect things that are important to you. Whether it’s a religious belief they don’t share or a hobby they aren’t interested in, you don’t need to be with someone who can’t treat the things you value with respect.
7. They don’t support you. Support is a lot more than just not saying they don’t support the things you’re doing. Do they show up when you need someone there? Do they stay up and help you practice your presentation, and show an active interest in how things are progressing? When you fall, are they there to catch you and offer you a hand back up? What’s the good of being with someone who doesn’t have your back?
8. They don’t introduce you to people in their lives. Yes, it takes time to be invited home to meet the parents, but if you’re five months in and no one knows you beyond your name, he’s not serious about you.
9. They make you feel like you can’t say anything right. Is your guy constantly picking fights with you and misinterpreting everything you say? Do you feel like you’re running around in circles and defending yourself even when you’re being nice? Unless you’re speaking in code, there’s a bigger problem and it has nothing to do with you.
10. They constantly say “sorry” for the same thing. Sorry is just a word unless there’s a real effort made to not make the same mistake again.
11. They don’t make you feel like yourself. You’ve twisted yourself in so many directions and walked on so many eggshells that you’re exhausted.
12. It’s all about sex. Yes, you can still have dates and cuddle, but when the only compliments are about your body and all of your time together feels like a means to an end, it’s not love, but lust.
13. They never invite you out on prime real estate nights. It’s fun to grab a drink on a Tuesday night, but if you’re never having dinner on a Saturday or laughing over brunch on a Sunday (without having slept over the night before), you might be questioning who is.
14. They’re on Tinder but claim they aren’t seeing anyone else. This is just an insult to your intelligence.
15. Your friends can’t figure out why you keep trying. Sure, no one knows what really happens in a relationship, but your friends can definitely tell you when you’re not in one and not going to be.
16. They remember nothing about you. You have full conversations that he cannot recollect. He’s heard you mention your April birthday five times but still swears you were born in June. If the only thing he remembers is your address and his favorite bra-and-panty set, there’s a problem.
17. They close down when you try to get close. He will share photos of his penis, but try to touch his heart and he freaks out.
18. They make you cry several times a month. Tears are expensive. Is he worth it?
19. They aren’t your special someone. We all know the couple who stayed together because they were too afraid (or lazy) to get back out there and meet the right person for them. While it may be tempting initially to give into the “bird in the hand” mentality, don’t kid yourself. You’ll meet someone else and they will make you feel more than just safe — they’ll make you feel safe and butterflies.
20. Deep down, you just know you need to end it.