“I just gave birth to a baby girl less than a week ago. I’m quite smitten with her and things are going smoothly. However, tonight has been my worst fear come true, a real life hell.
They prescribed me a very strong pain killer after my delivery, that causes severe constipation. This will be the first time in over a week that I attempted to have a bowel movement after feeling the urge to go all day. I’ve been terrified of this day coming, after over an hour of pushing out my baby, hemorrhoids the size of grapes, and the hard blockage that’s been building in my intestines. I was dreading this fateful day.
My daughter is attached to my nipples like Velcro after discovering that my milk has come in, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to battle this awful poop alone. So, I grabbed her boppy pillow, and headed into the bathroom where I prayed she would sleep peacefully while I attempted to get this poo devil out of me.
As soon as my ass cheeks touched the toilet seat, her eyes sprung open, and so did her mouth telling me she was ready for another meal. Fuck. Okay. So I put the pillow on my lap and whip out a nipple to keep her from crying.
That’s when it began. I could feel a baseball sized blockage slowly meandering itself lower into my rectum. Okay. I was ready, breathe. Don’t push yet. It was almost there, and I could feel it nearly coming out. And then it stopped. That’s when the searing pain started. The stitches in my vagina and gooch ripped, my asshole was being permanently spread open by a rock hard shit ball that was too large to fit through it. My nipple was burning from my daughter grinding her gums around and squirming because I was nearly squeezing her to death from the pain I was experiencing. I had to put her down. I couldn’t handle this anymore. I lay her on a blanket and pillow I brought in, and she instantly starts wailing of course.
I grab toilet paper to see if I can pull this thing out. Nothing. Just a gaping giant hole with a giant rock stuck an inch away from the opening. The toilet paper comes back soaked in bright red blood. At that point, I can’t tell what’s from my gooch tearing open, and what’s from my forever ruined asshole.
My ears are ringing from the pain, and the sound of my baby screaming was making me feel nauseous from the guilt. I had to stand up. This poop was not going to come out. Not yet. The toilet was filled with blood and not even a spec of poop. Nothing.
I walked around the bathroom to help things move along, but it had the opposite affect. The blockage sucked back up into my body causing the most awful cramps across my stomach. My shirt was soaked from my tears, my leaking breast milk and sweat. I can literally feel the poop blockage sitting, and festering where it refuses to budge.
And now, here I lay, on my bathroom floor, after cleaning up the blood, and bandaging my stitches the best I could, letting my daughter destroy my nipples some more. I’ll be going to the doctor tomorrow, and requesting that he fucking kill me.
TLDR: my asshole has betrayed me for taking painkillers after I gave birth to my daughter.”