The WTF Relationship
The WTF Relationship occurs when either a) two individuals of seemingly no interest to each other, as perceived by those around them, begin a relationship or b) when two individuals form a relationship of which their friends and family do not approve in the least. Such a situation often produces baffled facial expressions in their onlookers, literally prompting the expression “WTF?” when first hearing news of the union. This is most often because the two in the relationship are from completely different worlds, such that those from opposing points of view just have no reference point by which to base their judgement. An example of this type of relationship can often be observed along the lines of class or social stereotypes: imagine a skinny hipster girl who’s known for smoking weed and drinking Pabst with the bros and only dating other skinny hipster dudes getting in a relationship with fifty-five year old body builder into Muscle Milk and rollerblading. Ultimately, the WTF Relationship is simply incomprehensible to the outside world, all the way down to the best friends of the two parties of the relationship.
- Most likely to be spotted at: A place whether either one or the other appear extremely out of place
- Disagreements often arise over: Having to hang out with each others’ friends
- Relationship most likely to end when: The social pressure against the union becomes too intense to handle anymore
The Dependent/ Independent Relationship
The Dependent/ Independent Relationship occurs when one party in the relationship is basically dependent on a ‘service’ the other offers, without which the dependent person would feel completely fucked and full of a deep existential despair. The dependent party in this type of relationship can often be observed crying loudly, begging, and even threatening suicide at the prospect of a break up. Often, the independent partner, upon entering the relationship, is unaware of the dependent person’s lurking need, which is – like a spider in a web – simply waiting for the next individual with the emotional endurance to bear the brunt, constant force of it. In this sense the Dependent/ Independent Relationship is at its basic level an exploitative system, in which the dependent party uses the independent party to supplement parts of their identity which they feel is severely lacking, and when the union comes to a close, it’s often loud and ugly.
- Most likely to be spotted at: At a house party, the dependent one holding onto the independent one
- Disagreements often arise over: Engaging in activities alone or independently of each other
- Relationship most likely to end when: The independent party can no longer bear responsibility for his/her partner’s problems
The Perfect Relationship
The Perfect Relationship consists of the elements of all of the relationships here listed, but infuses an unconditional curiosity and eagerness to learn about the way love can be realized. For some reason, the passion experienced in the beginning of the Perfect Relationship doesn’t cease, but transmorphs, gradually and understandably, into a more stable, long-lasting experience that can be accessed at basically any time. A mystery to the populace at large, not much can be written about The Perfect Relationship because of lack of field data and informational resources, but we can list some common observations that have been recorded in rare sightings – a) those in the Perfect Relationship appear both extremely calm and extremely happy at the same time, giving them a sort of Buddha-like presence in the company of others, b) those in the Perfect Relationship don’t feel lust for others or desire, in a romantic capacity, anyone else, and c) those in the Perfect Relationship maintain healthy physical and social lifestyles.
- Most likely to be spotted at: The bar, with friends, holding hands
- Disagreements often arise over: Life issues, such as where to move, whether or not to have a baby/adopt, whether or not to get married
- Relationship most likely to end when: This relationship is not likely to end
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Bonus Relationships
The Chill/ Stable Relationship, The Threesome, The On-Again/ Off-Again Relationship, The Abusive Relationship, The Relationship in Which There’s Constant Fighting, The Arranged Marriage, The Internet Relationship, The Extremely Normal Relationship, The Functional Relationship, The Relationship With a Baby, The Family, The Alternative Vegan Commune Relationship, The Open Relationship, The Forbidden Relationship. 
