This Is What It’s Like To Watch Your Parents Fall Out Of Love

Natalie Allen

When I was younger I watched my mother and my father fall out of love. It happened gently between them like a silent war they didn’t want me to know they were fighting, but it was obvious. I watched as comfort snuck up on them like an assassin, taking them for everything they had. I watched it happen slowly, as it grew and expanded between bites of food at the dinner, within the hollow air that lingered between slammed doors and broken hope.

I watched as my parents tried to love like addicts, as they tried to take what they needed from each other to fill their empty spaces. There were days where they would try so feverishly to feel; days where they would leave their ribcages unlocked, swinging from their hinges, their hearts for the taking like an apology or a sacrifice. I watched with my own eyes as their love turned them into wolves, watched as they took bites from each other’s pomegranate hearts, coming away with pieces of the other dripping from their mouths like they were trying to even the score.

There were moments that made me feel like I missed the memo. Days I would spend watching my aunt laugh loudly with her husband, books I would read about love and how it was actually meant to be flowers on Tuesdays and a soft embrace, rather than separate beds and brass-bound armour. I didn’t understand how two people who once felt so deeply for one another could drown in the oceans they created, how the waves could slowly rise within them until they were drenched in years of red flags and cabin fever.

I watched as my parents slowly lost the battle to love one another despite the hurt, to fight for one another despite the way life bent them into different people. I watched as love slowly backed down like an injured bird, unable to hold the weight of their hardship on its shoulders, unable to bridge the distance between two beating hearts and the parts of each other they bankrupted.

I watched, and I learned,
as love gave up on two people
who used it like an apology
for all of the things
they did not make an effort to change. TC mark

Pasted image at 2016_02_26 03_41 PM

Read more writing like this in Bianca Sparacino’s book Seeds Planted In Concrete here.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Jasmine T.

    Man.. This really hit close to home.

  • crazybutttricia

    An interesting look at the disintegration from another perspective.

  • This Is What Its Like To Watch Your Parents Fall Out Of Love | Crazybutttricia

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  • This Is What Its Like To Watch Your Parents Fall Out Of Love – Lifestyle Writing
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