All I Know For Sure Is How Much I Love you

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Simone Becchetti

I am not the type of person who knows exactly what I want to do with my life. My chameleon mind soars in and out of different realities, different scenarios. I have a flighty wonder tucked between my sheets, knit within my pillowcase. Choice is a fairytale that surges within my veins, prompting me to want one thing when the sun rises, and another when it rests. I will always be uncertain of the world inside my chest.

See, I am not the type of person who will ever know what they want for breakfast, or what kind of candy to pick at a convenience store. It will take me twenty minutes to figure out what appetizer I desire during a night out; I will order three cocktails just to try them all. Forgive me, for I am not the type of person who can choose a dress to wear on a first date, nor will I be able to agree on the words I think I want to say.

I am not the type of person who knows where I will be in a month, in a year. My heart beats faster when I think about the possibility of becoming a stranger in so many towns, a nomad in this game of life. There are days that make me want to leave, pack up my things and surrender to the world; but there are moments that plead me to stay, there are moments that beg for me to rest my bones and firmly believe that I deserve to plant my feet.

And yet,
despite it all,
I am certain of you.

I am certain of you on a calm Sunday, on a discouraging Monday. I am certain of you through our ups and through our downs, through our celebrations and our fights. I am certain of you; of your loyalty and your ability to love even the most precarious parts of me. I am certain of your nature, I am certain of your strength. I cannot promise that I will ever be able to decide which movie to watch on a brisk winter day, or what to get your parents for their anniversary. I cannot promise that I will know where I want to settle down, or how to put my restlessness at bay, but I can promise you one thing:

I am certain of you.
I will stay. TC mark

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Read more writing like this in Bianca Sparacino’s book Seeds Planted In Concrete here.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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