Why They Leave When They Still Love You

Nishe

They didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you. They left because when they were fourteen they had their best friend come to them with a heart that never healed. At fourteen they held a human being, trembling and broken in their paper arms, and they feared the day they would mourn a last goodbye, a last embrace. They left because they saw how a cold flame could create a house fire in the hollow bones of someone who gave every inch of themselves and still came up short.

No, they didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you. They left because when they were seventeen they finally noticed the distance between their parents at the dinner table. At seventeen they had to tell their younger brother, sister, that sometimes things get tough, that sometimes mistakes hang heavy in a ribcage and it causes people to run away. They left because at a tender age they were taught that “I love you” doesn’t always mean, ‘I’ll stay.”

They didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you. They left because at twenty-one they read an article about a dating app that mentioned how 42% of its users already had partners. At twenty-one they read that plan b’s and second options were always on the forefront, always in the back pocket of someone who was holding the hand of a man, a woman, who slept soundly beside them at night. They left because they convinced themselves that there would always be another, someone better suited, someone better looking, someone more successful; it would only ever be a matter of time.

See, they didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you. They left because at twenty-five they watched their grandfather empty out the oceans within him at the grave of his high school sweetheart. At twenty-five they watched how he slowly deteriorated, how loss crept into his heart like a bleak December frost; how the doctor said that her demise killed him before old age ever had the chance. They left because they finally understood, how cruel it truly was to love something that death could touch.

Trust me when I say, they didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you. They left you because they never learned that they could be better than their past. They left you because they couldn’t convince themselves that they wouldn’t turn into their parents, that they wouldn’t wake up one day and want to flee. They left you because they never saw devotion win, they never saw passion triumph.

No, they didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you.

They left you because they didn’t love themselves

enough to believe

that they could be different. TC mark

Read more of Bianca Sparacino’s writing in her new book Seeds Planted in Concrete here.

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Seeds Planted In Concrete

This poetry collection by Bianca Sparacino is an assembly of words that celebrates the resilience of the human heart through stages of hurting, feeling, healing and loving.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”

★★★★★ “One of the best, if not the best, modern poetry collections you can read. Absolutely incredible. Her words are so wise, intricate and delicate that you feel them caressing your soul. I love this book, I love it so very much.” —Hayder

Buy This Beautiful Book

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  • http://thestrayrussianblue.wordpress.com chiharumon

    “they didn’t leave you because they didn’t love you.

    They left you because they didn’t love themselves”

    –well said. :)

  • http://boozybackpacker.wordpress.com boozybackpacker

    This is so beautiful!!! And right on the needlehead, for sure.

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