Some days you are going to wake up and things will feel calm. Your vision will be clear, the world will be yours. You will dance upon the ashes of your past and your body will ache with an overwhelming feeling of joy. Other days, you will have a hard time twisting your scars into lessons. Your bed will seem like the safest place on this whole entire planet, and the sky will be riddled with clouds that look just like your mistakes.
There are going to be days where your bones feel heavy under the weight of all the love you hold within yourself, and this will be a good thing. You will be thankful for your ability to feel, for your ability to give to another human being a love that is flourishing and alive underneath your skin. Then will come the days where you feel like you have nothing left within you to give; the days that remind you of how much you had before you lost it all, how your affection was never properly reciprocated. You will wonder if you love too deeply, you will wonder if you care too openly.
On either of these days it is important to remember that you cannot control the randomness of life, or any of its fickle flashes. Some mornings you will wake up to a sapphire sky and you will breathe, you will cry. On others you will rejoice, you will laugh with all of the vigor in your body. There are going to be moments in life that propel you forward, and there will be those that grab you by the ankles and drag you three steps in the opposite direction. Love will build you the most exquisite house made of paper and glass just to blow it down; it will grow you and it will tear you apart in the process. On most days it won’t make sense, and that is the point – life is a mess. Everything about it is a giant hurricane that we will never truly comprehend, that we will never be able to contain, but that is what makes it so stunning, that is what makes it perfect.
As William Lear famously said, ‘It’s all a mess – the hair, the bed, the words, the heart. Life.’ It is all a mess, but we cannot deny the fact that it is magic. We cannot deny the fact that it is frustrating and stunning, empty and full at the exact same time, overflowing with opportunities to feel and grow and swallow the sun whole if we truly wanted to. We must remind ourselves that life is never going to slow down, it is never going to simplify, and we must come to terms with that – for if we search for routine, the ordinary will kill us before the sadness does.
Embrace the entropy in life. You were bred from storms, that is why you are primarily water. You were created from white hot heat and from atoms that will never stop vibrating and shaking within you, so do not vilify your heart when it quakes, do not condemn your life when it surges and when it falls. Embrace its pulse, and the randomness of it all, embrace its disorder.
Life is a mess — yes, but my god, is it ever a beautiful one.