Ever since the day you left, I have wondered if you were it for me. When I looked at you, I finally understood what love was. I didn’t need you to tell me you loved me to know that you did. There was a way our eyes communicated that our words could never do justice to. Maybe we were both too afraid of what would happen if we tried to use those words to make sense of everything that was happening between us. Or maybe we both hoped that if we never said how we actually felt, we could continue pretending that what we had was meaningless. We could continue pretending that what we had was just for fun.
With you, love looked like sharing a cup of coffee on a cool evening in April. We always took a bit to get used to each other again, but once that comfort returned, it was like coming home after a long trip away. We shared awkward silences, and sometimes we didn’t know whether to kiss or hug or wave timidly at each other, but you always came back to me. There were words left unsaid, whispered into the darkness of the coffee we shared; maybe we both hoped it would communicate our secrets for us. Maybe we both hoped our pain would get lost in all that darkness.
The way you looked at me was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I will never forget the way you looked at me on our first date and whispered the word “perfect.” I will never forget waking up next to you for the last time and the way you looked into my eyes when you kissed me good morning. I knew then that our time together was coming to an end. We both knew that what we had could never be permanent. We could never be more than short chapters in each other’s life stories, but that didn’t stop us from choosing each other anyway.
Things were not always smooth. We went months without speaking, and I assumed I would never see you again. The day you came back to me was one of the best days in my entire life. Before you, fate was something I struggled to believe in; love was something I did not necessarily see happening for me. The way you ran into my life when I least expected it proved to me that there is so much happening all around us all of the time, even when things appear to be lying dormant. Even on your worst days, the universe is putting your life together, piece by piece.
You were someone I never expected to have in my life, and I am so grateful for the time I was given with you. Though love with you did not look the way I ever imagined it to be, you were everything I needed at that moment in my life. Love with you was not about titles or epic professions of love on social media; love with you was all about enjoying the little moments. The way that you loved me was through the small things you did throughout our time together to show me that you cared. You loved me in the way you always made sure I got on my train home safely. You loved me in the way you cooked for me and always made sure that I was being cared for. You loved me in a million tiny ways that until I met you, I never realized mattered before. The affection you showed me helped me finally see my value, and for that, I will always be grateful to you.
Though what we had was never labeled and made official, I will never forget the way you made me feel. Some people love us in grand public gestures, while others choose to show us in little moments every day. No matter the way they show you, always remember that you are deserving of that love. And if they ever leave you, never forget the way their love made you feel. If they loved you, someone else out there will, too.
The way that you loved me changed my life. And even though you may never be part of my life again, I will carry your love with me always. I will always remember you as the love that changed my life for the better.