It’s okay. When was the last time you told yourself that and believed it? I hope today you really can believe it.
You swore this time it was all going to be different. Something about them just felt right. You just knew that this had to be what everyone else was always talking about. This had to be how it felt when you finally found “the one.”
How could you not fall in love with someone promising you all of these forevers? What type of person talks about building a future with you when they knew all along that was not what they wanted? You were never what they truly wanted. But for so long, they always made you feel like you were.
It wasn’t your fault. They did everything they could to reel you in. The compliments, the thoughtful dates and gestures, the hours of endless conversation about absolutely everything. From the outside, it looked like the perfect relationship. But what you could not see until the bitter end was just how hollow the inside was. There was nothing there.
The empty promises play through your head like the outtakes from a movie that no one ever wanted to see. Except these are not the outtakes; this is your real life.
When you fall for someone, you fall hard. You can’t help it. It’s just how you have always been. Letting someone in is terrifying, and this is precisely why you rarely do. The heartbreak always seems to outweigh the happiness, so you always wonder why you should even bother falling in the first place.
The heartbreak never seemed worth it until you met them. Suddenly, you were ready to throw yourself in, full speed and no regrets if it meant getting to spend even a moment with this person. When you meet someone who can make even the most mundane moments of your life feel extraordinary, you cannot help but fall in love with them.
You feel like you will never look at the simple things the same way again. Long walks on a cool evening used to conjure up feelings of happiness and warmth when they were around. Now, all you feel is the sharp sting of the wind reminding you that you are somehow still capable of feeling. A late night coffee used to feel a little less lonely when you had someone to share it with. Now, you are just stuck staring into the darkness in your cup wondering how you are supposed to know if it is half full or just half empty. Ever since they left, you have felt so empty.
It’s okay. It’s okay to feel this emptiness. It’s okay to feel hurt and betrayed. But what isn’t okay is telling yourself that it is your fault that you feel this way. You are human, and this life we are given is one meant to be full of highs and lows. This is just a low right now for you, simply a bump in the road. You will get back up and find your way eventually. But, you will never be able to move forward if you keep yourself so firmly planted in your past like this.
The first step to moving on is letting yourself feel everything. Feel the good, the bad, and the unimaginably destructive feelings flowing through your body. Feel them, acknowledge them, and then let them go. Let. Them. Go.
No one gives us a rule book on how to live this life. We will never be able to control the thoughts, feelings, and decisions of those around us, and it is for this reason that we cannot get mad at ourselves for loving those who do not always love us as they should. Sometimes, the wrong person comes disguised as the right one, and we do not see this fact until it is too late. Sometimes, we fall for the bad because they tell us that they are what we deserve. I promise you that none of this is what you deserve.
You have a big, beautiful heart, and I hope you never stop using it to love as deeply as you do. One day, the right person will find you. I hope you will let yourself be open to their love because it will be unlike any you have ever experienced before.
Forgive yourself for loving the wrong person. They were just a lesson you needed to learn to help you better love yourself.
Loving deeply is not a fatal flaw. It is a gift the rest of the world should be so thankful to receive.
Someone, someday will be so happy to have you.