The Only Way I Know How To Say Goodbye

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Kleiton Silva / Unsplash

I hope that one day you find what you are looking for and that you never have to hurt another person like this again. I know that you aren’t a bad person, and I don’t regret any of the time we spent together. I just wish you would let me in.

I had hopes that for once something would end nicely and would end just because sometimes, things have to. I am sorry that I hurt you, but I wish that you would be sorry that you hurt me, too. Maybe I should have expressed my concerns earlier, but maybe this is exactly why I didn’t. I have been waiting for the day you decide that you can’t handle this anymore, and you just disappear. I think we have finally come to that day.

I want to believe so badly that everything we had was real, but now I am not so sure if any of this adds up. I thought for once I had met someone who I truly connected with, someone who sparked my romantic interest but could also be my best friend. I would never treat my friends like this.

I don’t expect to have a relationship without conflict, but what I do expect is to have a relationship where conflicts get resolved instead of ignored. I hope one day you wake up and realize that ignoring your problems will only bury you deeper within them. I hope you will finally see that people can only be pushed away so many times before they are gone for good.

So many people want good things for you, and I just wish you wanted those things for yourself. You are worth more than the physical being you embody, and your best quality has nothing to do with your physical features. You should love yourself for the good you do for the others and the love you are capable of bringing to their lives. I hope one day you understand your own value. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.

I knew that when I said what I said to you, everything was going to change. But I believe in transparency and truth; I believe in doing our best to face our problems head-on because yes, the truth hurts but not nearly as bad as finding out too late that you have been lied to. I am sorry if I overreacted, but maybe I shouldn’t actually be sorry because you never told me if I truly overreacted.

I’m starting to think I didn’t.

There is a part of me that wishes you would talk to me about it, but if you are avoiding it this much, I am starting to think it is for the best if I never know. I never thought this would happen between us, but I think that sometimes I spend too much time creating a world I know will never exist. I was hoping one day we could make it exist.

I guess this is my fault for feeling more than I should and assuming that you felt the same. I understand the importance of communication, but I guess I forget that not everyone communicates like I do. Your eyes speak words your lips will never say, but maybe I’m the only one who sees that. Maybe every time you touched me and I thought you were using Morse code to tell me how you really felt, you were just finding another way to occupy your time until the one you were truly waiting for appeared.

Even though I have known since we started that ultimately this would all have to end, I never thought it would come to this. I never pictured an extravagant goodbye, but I certainly never thought the goodbye would never happen. I have been dreading our last day together for months, but now I would give anything to get the chance to say goodbye.

I am so sorry.

I never wanted it to be like this, but I don’t think either of us ever expected it to get like this. I never expected to talk with you for hours and to never get bored. I never expected to laugh so hard I almost cried. I never expected to even meet you, but then there you were.

And now, you are gone.

I just hope you know how much I do care about you and how real all of this was for me. So far, I think you have been one of my greatest adventures, and from you, I have learned the true value of a moment. We never get to choose how long someone is in our life, so if you take nothing else from this, just know that you will always be happier when you let yourself enjoy all that you have instead of looking for everything you think you don’t.

I hope you’ve enjoyed your time with me. TC mark

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