There’s nothing wrong with wanting love or wanting to be loved by someone, even if that someone broke you. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to let go of someone who hurt you because before the hurt there were happy memories; there was love. There were the moments you cling to and can’t let go of because you don’t want to accept reality.
Love is complicated, messy, disastrous, hectic and scary. There are no rules or guidelines, nothing is rational because it makes you feel ways you can’t explain.
It’s easy to say that you don’t need someone but that doesn’t mean your heart doesn’t still ache for them. It’s easy to pretend you’re alright with being on your own when you’re in a crowded room. It’s easy to act like your life isn’t a chaotic whirlwind when you have to but that doesn’t stop the tears from falling the moment you’re alone. It doesn’t stop the emptiness that consumes you and the aching you feel in your chest.
Missing someone doesn’t make you weak, or pathetic, or incapable of being on your own – it makes you human and vulnerable. You’re allowed to miss someone who broke you, even if everyone tells you how much better you deserve because it doesn’t stop the hurting.
And there’s nothing wrong with going back in a moment of weakness only to light yourself on fire again because you can’t stand the thought of living without them. It’s hard to walk away completely, it’s hard not to miss them, it’s hard to just cut them out of your life at once. Nothing about moving on is easy or makes sense. Nothing about leaving the life and the person you thought would be there forever is easy. You know you shouldn’t miss them but you still do, and that’s okay.
Moving on is complicated and it’s tough. It takes time and sometimes that doesn’t even help. Whoever said time heals all wounds lied because wounds often leave scars and scars are there forever. Scars remind us of our pain and our hurt, even if it’s not as tender as it once was – it’s still there.
But as broken as you are you have to know you deserve better. You have to know you can’t love someone forever who broke you, who took advantage of you, who played with your heart and manipulated you because that isn’t love. And as much as you don’t want to feel that way now it’s a realization you need to come to at some point.
You can miss them with your whole heart but it doesn’t mean they’re good for you. You can know what’s wrong and what’s right, and it can still hurt. You can love a person but still realize the best thing for you to do is move on. There are no rules in love and that’s what makes it so complicated and messy.
Missing someone who broke you is only human because before that your heart was full of love, and now it’s full of confusion and sadness. Don’t ever let anyone shame you for missing the person who once carried your whole heart.
Letting go is hard but sometimes the best thing you can do is cherish the time you had with someone and let them go to the best of your ability. You might be broken right now but it’s so important to not give up on yourself. Don’t think you don’t deserve better love because you do – you still deserve happiness and you can still have it, even without them.