When it feels like the world around you is crashing down and the walls are caving it. When it feels like nothing you do can help you escape from the hole you’re in. When it feels like you don’t belong in this world and you’re constantly feeling misunderstood, like no one else around you understands what’s going on in your head and you don’t want to try to explain because you don’t want to be a burden.
But sometimes they can tell. The people close to you can see through your endless lies that everything is “okay.” They can see you’re struggling no matter how hard you try to have it together because you can’t fake everything.
But you try. I try.
I just talk myself into believing it’s a moment of weakness, that I’m really okay, that I’m stronger than this. I tell myself to just get it together, that I’m feeling sorry for myself, that I’m making things worse in my head. I tell myself that I need to stop looking at the negative side and be positive, that I need to be appreciative over what I have because I really have no reason to be upset.
But sometimes you don’t need a reason because there realistically isn’t always a reason you feel a certain way.
So you put on a fake smile, you go out with your friends, you try to be happy because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You fake like you’re having fun so you don’t burden with your feelings because the last thing you want to be is an inconvenience.
You don’t want to inconvenience everyone else’s good time around you, you don’t want to inconvenience their life by spilling your problems on them, the last thing you want is to be an inconvenience.
No one wants to say the words “no, I’m not okay” when asked if they’re okay because it’s associated with being weak, with admitting your flaws, with not being capable of fixing your own problems.
But the truth is, it takes strength to admit you’re not okay. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what’s going on inside your head.
The problem is admitting you’re not okay can make some people uncomfortable and people disconnect themselves from things that make them uncomfortable, unless they truly care.
Admitting your struggles makes you strong. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s better to openly admit you’re not doing well than it is to suck back your tears and let your emotions build up until you’re alone in your room at night crying into your pillow while you feel like you’re drowning in your own world.
At some point you have to stop beating yourself up over what you could have done better, you have to let go, you have to forgive yourself because things won’t always work out in your favor but they’ll work out someway or another.
Just because you break down sometimes doesn’t mean you’re not a strong person. It makes you stronger because you’re accepting what’s going on in your life and you’re facing your fears of openly talking about it.
You can be worried about being a burden, an inconvenience, but the people who are truly there for you, the people who truly love you, won’t ever think you’re a burden and those are the people you need surrounding you.
Don’t assume no one cares and no one wants to help because they do. I promise you – you’re not an inconvenience.