This Is Me Finally Giving Up On You

woman standing in front of green roller-shutter
Isabela Kronemberger / Unsplash

I wonder why it’s so easy for you to make promises while I stay and watch you break them. I wonder why it seems easy for you to distort the truths into lies while I stay and believe them. I wonder why it’s so easy for you to burn the bridge while I patiently build it for us to get there. And I wonder why it’s quite easy for you to change and turn like the coldest ice while I stay and give you the warmth of my love.

I did stay. I always forgive you because I want things to work for both us no matter how messed up things are.

I hold on so long because I still believe in ‘us’ together. I hold on longer than I should because I still wish things might really change one day. I stand by you and keep you alive with my love in the midst of turbulence. I trusted you for so long, only to find out that you are nothing but a chauvinist.

You taught me how to break the promises I was looking forward to keep. You forced me to realize that love is not a thing to keep anymore. You forced me to believe that your love is just a temporary madness; it erupts like a volcano then subsides and burns away into ashes. You made me realize that staying with someone who makes me question everything doesn’t mean being patient — it’s a waste of time.

And here I am, finally choosing myself over you. Here I am, finally falling in love with a life without you in it. Here I am, finally giving up on you.

This is me letting you go because you made me realize that I deserve the best and I deserve someone who plans a future with me. I’m letting you go because I’m done being your maybe and your temporary option. I’m done bending over backwards to make you happy and I’m done giving my friends headaches over my endless drama with you.

This is me letting you know that I’m done being an ad-hoc lover for you and I’m done being the instrument of your selfishness.

This is me letting you know that I’m not giving you another chance. I’ll only give it to someone who makes an effort and is willing to give the love I deserve.

This is me letting you know that you’re no longer the place I call home or the place I call my own.

This is me making it clear that I’m not going to stand in your way again because you’re not worth my time anymore.

This is me letting you know that I’m done fighting for a place in your heart.

This is me letting you know that I no longer look back and think fondly of you.

This is me craving distance from you, and that means I don’t look forward to the next time I see you.

This is me saying goodbye to you. And when I say the word, what I really mean is that this is my way and that is your way, our paths will never cross again.

This is me forgiving you for not taking care of the love that I can no longer save. And I am now choosing to start anew with less of you and more of me. TC mark

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