Losing A Friend Feels Like Breaking Up

Recently, I’ve come to the realization that – well, the acknowledgement of the realization that things change in time, and though they’re not always necessarily bad, you would have to do some adjustments one way or another. About a few weeks or so ago I watched a video uploaded by Anna Akana on YouTube about losing friends, or more precisely, losing friends and knowing how to deal with it and learn from the experience. These days I’ve been enjoying a lot of Anna’s videos and I think part of the reason for that is, other than the fact that her short films are rather intriguing and enjoyable, because she emits such a strong sense of realness when she speaks to the camera. She has a certain way of expressing her ideas that is actually enlightening. I don’t know, that might just be me though. Anyway, this particular video really spoke to me and I thought that I would ponder the subject by writing about it. I guess you could treat this as a sort of response or extension to the video.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpwXVa272h8&w=560&h=315%5D

The sad reality is that, at least once in our lives, we are bound to experience losing or parting ways with someone whom we consider special or important to us. As Anna have mentioned in her video, losing a friend is very much like a break-up, in the sense that any form of interaction that you have with that person in the future will never be the same again. No matter how much either of you try, once you have crossed that line of inescapable complications and incompatibility, everything that you shared with each other will slowly deteriorate (or immediately, depending on how things go down between the two of you), until ultimately letting go is the only option left. Often it’s not really anyone’s fault, sometimes it’s just the situation or the fact that people naturally change over time. Losing a friend is not the greatest feeling in the world, and it doesn’t get any easier each time it happens.

The main thing is, it’s not a walk in the park. It’s more like trying to walk a dog that doesn’t like you, right in the middle of a sandstorm. In which case, the problem is neither the dog nor the sandstorm, but rather the question of what the hell you were even thinking in the first place. Perhaps it’s just my poor use of figurative language, but don’t you think that it kind of makes sense? Why would you put yourself in a situation that is completely beyond your control and ability to cope? Sometimes the best way to go about things is to realize, really realize, that things are the way that they are for a reason and you can’t always fix it or do something about it. But I know that it’s a lot easier said than done. The thing about us is that we are fixers. We are like, the ‘Bob the Builders’ of our own lives, and it gets pretty devastating once we find ourselves in a position where the answer to “Can we fix it?” is “No, we can’t.”

It’s almost like an innate thing for us to have this huge storage of seemingly renewable energy for trying our best to make things work. (According to theories of social psychology we do have this fundamental need to belong, and therefore we use resources that are available to us in order to maintain and repair relationships, or something along those lines.) Of course as we know, this ‘storage of energy’ is in fact not so renewable, and eventually it wears out. Eventually, we grow tired and we are forced to accept that in life, perhaps more often than we would like, things just get crazy and unpredictability becomes a sign with bright flashing neon lights. I guess unpredictability has always been the sign that we choose to ignore. We were always a fan of order and anticipating and wanting to know. Maybe that’s the answer to the biggest questions of life, or anything – unpredictability. The idea that sometimes, things just happen even if nothing makes sense. Friendships could end for no particular reason. Sometimes it’s just not up to us, but to time and unpredictability.

There is no doubt that losing someone in life is always sad, in some way, regardless of what happened. Losing a friend, particularly someone who has been a significant part of your life, can be one of the hardest things to experience. But things like that do happen. I’m not trying to make anyone feel depressed or think that in due time we’re all going to lose everyone and in the end all we’ll ever have is ourselves, I’m just saying that it’s an actual part of life and I feel like not enough people talk about it. I guess it’s not really that big of a deal to some people. Nevertheless, the important thing, as with anything in life, is to accept and learn from the situation, and to allow yourself time to feel vulnerable about it. Try not to be bitter, even when things do not end well. Leave space in your heart and mind for reflection, and of course remember to look on the brighter side. That’s where the party is at.

Take care of yourself.