When you’ve been in relationship after relationship, it’s crazy to be single for a long period of time. But it’s also necessary. You’ve had failed relationship after failed relationship and the last one nearly destroyed you. But you rose from the ashes and decided enough was enough.

But was it really?

You made a promise to yourself that you would find who you are. You would settle for nothing less than what you want and what you deserve. You spent countless nights dancing on bars, getting beyond belligerent, and waking up in a lot of beds that were not your own. Everyone deals with things in their own way, right? While this doesn’t sound like the best way to deal with starting over, it worked for you. You managed to realize that you are worth so much more than you ever gave yourself credit for. You realized that you’re much stronger than any of those relationships ever thought you were. And you realized that you don’t need anyone to make you feel larger than life—you can do that all on your own.

It’s three years later.

It’s three years later and you’ve dated here and there, but nothing super serious. A couple of them seemed like there was more there than there actually was, but somehow, you always managed to make yourself smaller for that person.

STOP DOING THIS.

You deserve so much more than these people that you choose to put in your life that, quite frankly, are nowhere near your level. You are a very independent woman. You thrive in every situation you’re put in and adapt to every environment. You can talk to anyone, and some may mistake this for being overly friendly. You’re amazing at everything you do. But somehow, you change this part of yourself when you’re committed to someone and dim your own light for absolutely no reason at all.

Here’s the bottom line.

These people that you’re putting in your life ARE ALL THE SAME (insert hand clapping emoji here). None of them actually want to love you. They simply want you for your body and the ego boost. Maybe I was good for your ego? Maybe I made you feel better about your sad, pathetic life? Maybe you were just attracted to me because of my “go-getter” attitude? None of that matters because you still managed to offer me nothing but sadness, hurt, and the feeling of unworthiness in the end.

But what do we do when we get hurt?

WE RISE ABOVE. We stand up, cry on the inside like a winner, and handle our business. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Do not let the fact that they don’t love you or want to love you break you as a woman. You have a strength about you that is unbelievable.