On occasion, men will write to me asking my opinion on how they can gain more success with women in a dating market. I always appreciate this because it shows they are willing to put in the effort necessary to attract a desirable woman.
There are many ways a man can improve himself to attract a woman of value, but for now let’s take a minute to focus on the basics of what he can start doing right now to become generally much more dateable.
Get your shit together.
If you’re thinking, “Yeah, yeah I’ve heard this before,” that because it’s extremely imperative and you might even say non-negotiable.
Why would you even try to be dating if your life is a mess? You shouldn’t.
This doesn’t mean you need to be rich or have it all, but at least establish a foundation in your lifestyle that won’t get in the way of your love life: have a decent job, a home or place that you are responsible for, reliable transportation. Get out of debt. Set a healthy and positive mindset and attitude. Clear yourself of all baggage and trust issues from any previous relationships. Make sure you are living congruent to your personal values.
This is what is means to have your shit together and if you want to find a quality woman to date, this isn’t optional.
Learn to listen.
It’s not enough to just hear her words. You must take the time to actually consider what she is saying.
Learn to listen to her, not just with the intent of replying, but with the intent of understanding.
Don’t interrupt or talk over her. Comprehend the message she is communicating to you, then mirror and reflect on the ideas and topics she’s mentioned. Ask follow up questions to show you care and understand.
You won’t know how to love if you don’t know how to listen.
Put effort into your looks.
Attractiveness does matter. Many women don’t like to admit this because they don’t want to be seen as shallow, but there’s nothing wrong with the fact that a woman needs to be physically attracted to the man she is seeing.
You don’t have to be a 10, but do make an effort to keep yourself in shape. Eat healthy, take care of your body, and dress well. You can dress comfortably and still be you, but don’t show up to your date in sweats.
Don’t be afraid to pursue.
Men were born to pursue women. Being hunters by nature, they enjoy the challenge of qualifying themselves to a woman first.
Women, in general, want to be pursued by men more than they want to be the ones to pursue.
Sure there are exceptions, but as we all know, exceptions don’t make the rule.
Don’t just text. Call her.
It’s funny, it seems as if some people have forgotten the phone can be used for calling, not just texting.
Of course there are many times when texting is more appropriate, like when either of you are at work or spending time with family, but when you get a good chance to communicate by voice, use it.
Calling shows intention and effort, and she’ll love hearing from you since it’s highly likely that the only other people who actually call her are her parents.
It will be a nice surprise and provide the chance to strengthen your bond as well.
Show genuine interest.
One of the first things a woman tests a man for while dating is his intentions and where his interest falls with her.
She will attempt to determine if a guy is actually into her as a person or if he doesn’t really care much about her and is just trying to get laid.
The distinction here isn’t just in a man’s words, but in his actions.
If she can see and feel that his interest in her is genuine, she’ll be much more likely to want to continue seeing him.
Know when to stay off your phone while you’re with her.
It can be tempting to check your devices often as you normally do at home, but it’s not a good idea while you are on a date. It’s considered to be rude and you run the risk of your date feeling deliberately ignored by you. However, an exception might be if you are using it to take a photo together.
Don’t forget that life isn’t in your phone – it’s happening right beside you, right now.
Be mindful of enjoying these moments while you have them.