1. “You’re too skinny.”
Translation: I wish I was that skinny.
You say: Ugh I know. I try to put on weight by eating lots of pizza and chocolate cake, but no luck.
2. “You look better in person.”
Translation: Judging by your photos online, I was worried you might be fat.
You say: You’re …very photogenic. *Big smile*
3. “You remind me of my mom.”
Translation: You’re not cool.
You say: You mean great in bed? Thanks!
4. “Why are you still single?”
Translation: What’s wrong with you?
You say: Just lucky I guess!
5. “I thought you were nice.” (When asked a favor and you say no)
Translation: I thought you were a pushover, which is why I asked you in the first place.
You say: Even the nicest people have their limits.
6. When your husband/wife comes home and asks, “What did you do all day?”
Translation: Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t think of you as lazy right now.
You say: Woke up, kicked ass, repeat.
7. “Why don’t you have any kids yet?”
Translation: Kids are everything. Your clock is ticking.
You say: Because my life is too awesome right now. Cheers to contraceptives!
(Let’s not forget what backhanded compliments guys are used to hearing.)
8. “You clean up nice.”
Translation: You usually kind of look like a homeless person.
You say: “Well someone had to make an impression here tonight.”
9. When you show off your new girlfriend and your brother asks: “What is she doing with you?”
Translation: She’s too hot for you.
You say: Lots of kinky stuff! I might tell you about it later.
And while this one might not necessarily be a compliment, we have all heard it before:
10. “You look tired.”
Translation: You look rough right now. Are you hungover?
You say: Yeah, I am tired from having all that crazy sex last night!