It pains me to pull you out of my heart the way I know I need to. It’s numbing to not have you in my life anymore and it’s even worse coming to terms with the fact that I know I have to let you go.
I tried washing my bed sheets to get rid of the smell of your cologne, but the feeling of your arms wrapping around me while I sleep hasn’t left and I’m running out of ways to try and stop it. I’m running out of ways to erase you out of my memory because you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
As hard as it is and as sweet as our memories are, it hurts so much knowing you’re not here anymore. You were the reason I woke up with a smile on my face for so many days. I’m finding it hard to admit that you’re no longer a part of me, maybe because I never thought there’d be a day without your hugs and kisses.
It’s hard thinking about having to get rid of the smaller things you left behind. For instance, the necklace I’ve worn every day since you gave it to me on my 21st birthday and all the books of poetry you bought me for Christmas that one year. Even the Poptarts you ate every morning, that are now stale, is proving to be a challenge.
I swear I can still hear your laugh coming from the framed pictures on my bedside table, but I can’t get myself to throw any of those things out or put them away in a closet because a huge part of me wishes you were still here.
Part of moving on is not wanting to move on at all. It’s holding on to the past knowing you should let it go. That’s where I’m at.
I’m at a point where I don’t want to move. I want to sit in the same place I’m at now in hopes that you’ll come back even though I know you won’t.