5 Reasons Softhearted People Can Seem Distant And Cold

Softhearted people are those who take risks on others.

They like to believe that people can change for the better. They understand and still empathize when others hurt them. Softhearted people feel the weight of the world in their hearts. They smile, but you notice the sadness in their eyes. Sometimes they become so overwhelmed with unsorted emotions that they isolate themselves from people. They are the type of individuals that say, “I love people, but I hate them. You know?” 

The goal of softhearted people is to live in a state of harmony with minimal stress. When they are unable to do this, they become moody, unhappy, and feel drained. Some softhearted people create firm boundaries that help them maintain harmony. Others are not so good at keeping boundaries and quickly tire of people.

Here are five reasons a softhearted person may become distant and cold.

1. They hate physical contact

Some softhearted people are also empaths. They are highly aware of the emotions of other people. They may feel these emotions even more through touch. If the feelings are comforting, they’ll want to, sometimes obsessively, be around the person that makes them feel good. Usually, they prefer to be alone. They will limit personal touch if they sense a person is depleting them of the capacity to do work or stay positive.

2. They seem to show a lack of empathy during the worst situations

Softhearted people feel overwhelming amounts of emotion but are not always able to process them. They are slow thinkers. They like to ponder. Processing large amounts of emotions can put them in a state of shock. Their friend can be bawling at a funeral while the softhearted person awkwardly stares because they are still processing.

Another reason they seem to show a lack of empathy is that they’re deciphering between what someone tells them versus the emotion the person is giving off. Their friend can be visibly sad but say they are happy. The softhearted person decides between digging deeper or leaving the comment alone. Emotional discrepancies can be mentally tiring. Instead of dealing with emotions, the softhearted person can become closed off.

3. They don’t want to help you

Ask a softhearted person for a ride to the airport or help moving. All of a sudden, they get moody. It feels like asking for a kidney, making people hesitant to ask for anything again. When a softhearted person doesn’t practice self-care, they can feel like they are giving too much while not having time for themselves. They often choose service jobs, like nursing or social work. After giving to people all day, they don’t want to give anymore, but feel a moral obligation to. These beliefs make them feel particularly moody and resentful.

4. They don’t pay attention

One day the softhearted person can seem like the best listener in the world, and other days, they don’t pay attention to anything you say. Softhearted people go through depressive mood swings and often opt to work through it themselves or with people incredibly close to them. During this time, they have little energy for anyone else, making them emotionally unavailable. Other times they don’t care about what you’re saying, especially if they sense you’re not in emotional distress or are having a superficial conversation.

5. They’re indecisive

Softhearted people are notorious for doing things based on how they feel in the moment. It can be difficult for them to make plans for the future because they don’t know if they’ll still be in the mood. They can be known for cancelling plans, leaving early, or not showing up. Softhearted people need alone time. At times, they don’t even want to hang out with individuals they like. This behavior can be confusing to friends and family. Their actions can feel incredibly selfish. One minute they give you attention, and the next, they’re gone. A softhearted person who can communicate their needs can avoid hurting people they love.

Softhearted people are not all packaged as glitter and sunshine. They can be confusing to understand. Initially, you might not even want to get to know them. At their core, they have a sensitive heart that they’re trying to protect. They can get overwhelmed in a world that doesn’t always value softness.

If you’re a softhearted person, prioritize self-care, boundaries, and communicating your feelings. If you know a softhearted person, communicate your needs and wants when you feel they start acting funny.

Arlene is a self-healing authour, and stress management coach

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